Shooting Troubles with Dextrose Theguy

Another thing I like? Roguelikes. The only ones I've actually managed to survive are the Pokémon Mystery Dungeon series. Sky, as I've undoubtedly mentioned before, is among my all-time favorite games. But, in any case, I also play a few on my computer, which are known for being far more unforgiving, micromanagey, and kill-me-a-lot-in-it.

For the uninitiated, the roguelike genre is all about exploring procedurally generated dungeons and managing your resources as you struggle to the bottom. PMD strategy was basically "whack the peeps in your way, maybe swapping places with your partner if you have a type disadvantage." The typical roguelike strategy will be incredibly convoluted and involve uses of equipment and skills that may not occur to the player for months of play. Not for the faint of heart. Though take that with salt, because I somehow get entertainment out of repeated head-hand-to.

You may wonder what this has to do with troubleshooting. Well, it all started today, when I found out there was a new version of Dungeon Crawl Stone Soup available. So I downloaded it, opened it up, and watched as it fired up Terminal and promptly did absolutely nothing. Nothing it showed me, anyway. Thinking it had already crashed somehow, I quit and started it up again. Without delay, it gave me the menu screen. Dismissing the earlier trouble, I went on with my game, noting that my game saved on the previous version didn't carry over. No matter, that guy wouldn't have access to the new features anyway. And it wasn't as if he would last another five minutes.

That... that last bit probably wasn't a bug or anything, by the way.

Nothing seemed wrong for a time. My new housecat's doom came promptly and as scheduled, but with a little surprise that trees and deep water were now identical, and looked like absolutely nothing. I had to question their judgement on that one. It couldn't have been a bug; they had called it a stable version, hadn't they? They would have noticed something like that. Later, I came across a very wiggly hallway. And it turned out it was actually directly north-south. Kinda neat, but caused more judgement questioning.

Somehow, I still thought nothing of it, and decided I'd make my character a god in debug mode. That was when I knew something was wrong. Every floor of the dungeon had an area where it was skewed and caused Rashy to stumble across like a drunken man. More deep water, and I had to take the game's word for it. I eventually tired of trampling golden dragons and, with some effort, killed him off. The game quit, as it does, and when I went to open it again, my computer was all "Hey, don't mess with that, bub. I think it's broken."

Uh-oh.

Version 0.7 was broken somehow too. I had no clue what I had done. But clearly it was just my copy broken and all I had to do was download it again?

Nope.

It was probably panic time now. Never play Dungeon Crawl again for reasons that were beyond my grasp?? But then it hit me. If the program wasn't broken, it was some of its files. All I had to do is find them, figure out which one, and delete it.

Finding them was not much of a problem, though I learned a few worrying things about my lack of computer knowledge. I didn't know where to look, but I did know a few silly names that wouldn't be found anywhere else on my hard drive. It was as simple as a search for BP. The "find out which one" bit stumped me. I just deleted them all, a little hesitantly. And 0.7 worked again! I played a game, which consisted of giving a human fighter a funny name and promptly climbing the stairs back out of the dungeon. Sure enough, the high scores were gone. Not that I missed them; they were probably embarrassingly low. I fired up 0.8 again. And got the same "don't mess with this, guy" message.

It was time for advanced made-up techniques! I downloaded it again and deleted the files.

...And the hallways have returned to their wiggly state.

Anyone else got any ideas? 'Cause I'm absolutely stuck.

I Have No Childhood

I love Pokémon. I've loved Pokémon ever since it was first introduced to me in the form of the anime, at its release. It's a bit of a wonder, then, how White is my first step into a new region. My first games were Fire Red, then Soul Silver, two bits of nostalgia I'll never have. I feel I've failed somehow.

Spawning thoughts such as these was this little drawing (or series of drawings, rather) by the artist of the highly recommended webcomic Awkward Zombie. I don't know if it's jealousy or what, but my soul is a little crushed that I'm being sent back to freshman year instead of my childhood. My brain knows it's not my fault. It's not like I could scrounge together the kind of money it would take to get those games on my own. (First of all, it would have to occur to me to try that.) I've never felt this way about any series I've gotten into late before. What's so different about Pokémon?

I have no idea.

Let's rattle some other things off, shall we? Final Fantasy. I've never finished one, so I don't attach much emotion. Fable? It doesn't have the same magic. Halo was an acquired taste for me. And--hold that thought. Magic. What is this magic?

Huh. The Pokémon series has never really had much in the way of self-contained stories. There's a whole world of possibilities out there, and the highly customizable teams only provide the gasoline for your spark of imagination. Not to mention the ridiculously imaginative creatures that you're set loose with. That's probably why I am so constantly tempted to write and immediately regret fanfiction for it all the time.

Anyways, this was going to be a more conventional post of my first impressions, and not an essay on missed nostalgia. Which is a phrase I am going to wonder for a long time how to work into everyday conversation.

Our protagonist and his/her friends seem never to have stepped out of town before. That, coupled with the fact that they don't look ten years old this team around, and a few other things I can't focus hard enough on because I want to get this written so I can go back to playing and thinking of other ways to combat run-on sentences, seems to suggest some kind of growing-up theme. Also, the question of whether it's really right to train Pokémon in battle. (Though the answer's been around since Silver.) This is really early in the game, and probably common knowledge anyway, so not spoilers, right? Moving on.

The "nova" bit of Unova was probably no accident. Nova, of course, meaning new. This game is doing all sorts of things that have never been done in its series before. First off, you won't be seeing any of the Pokémon you've come to know and love until after the Elite Four, if rumors are to be believed. And at least the first tournament will only have new Pokémon qualify. Not to mention the less meta bits of the game. And this is something I can get behind. I have never had a chance before to see new Pokémon firsthand, learn their strengths and weaknesses, grow to hate and love them rather arbitrarily. I suppose I could have done it in the past by choice, but there is a large difference between that and being forced.

Aaand that does it. I give up trying to wax philosophical, if only because my dear Lillipup is calling my name with tears in his eyes. Well, it's either my name or "feed me."

NaNoWriMo: Take Three

Yup, it's that time of month again! I mean year. NOVEMBER is NANOWRIMO and I am again writing a 50,000-word urban fantasy! Here is a link to me. Watch in awe as I eventually post an excerpt and then make no changes besides my word count! Also, if you're asking for a challenge, that is also where you click. Just click the button where "rival" is erroneously spelled "buddy".

Anyway, as such, I will be posting even less during the month of November. Yes, my post count next month will be going into the /negatives./

NEW BLOG

HEY HEY YO YO I do a new blog these days! Join my on my quest(s) to make jokes about video games! How is that different from the jokes about video games here? Questlog has (a) plot(s)!

CLICK THE LINK IF YOU PLEASE

DEXTROSE v. PIXELART

...And this is what happened. Sever your leg, please.

VICTOLY!!

We are the champions, my friends! Dextrose Theguy has successfully typed 50,000 words of The Cracked Emerald! The journey was tough, filled with pitfalls, pitrises, pit traps, spike pit traps, pit stops, but, strangely enough, not elves. That's right, not a single elf appeared. Or dwarf. I only use cool races: Aqui, Aerians, humans, and, no matter how hard you try, you can never dispense with dragons. I took a vow never to have dwarves, elves, or orcs appear. I hate them so.

See, here's the deal: Orcs are there for the heroes to kill without any kind of moral issues, because orcs are Always Evil. Elves are there for appearing incredible, but, in retrospect, turning out to just be incredibly racist. Dwarves? I have no clue. Making weapons or something, I guess. In any case, they're all lame, and humans are way underrated.

Anyways, back to the celebration party. Guhh... I'd like to thank all the little people who didn't care when I left them out of my life to go work on my novel. Without you, I... actually wouldn't have moral problems about it, because there would be no one to ignore. Huh. Well, thanks for existing anyway. I'd like to thank Cassie, Patsy, Mort, Connor, Ivory, Byss, and the Queen of Reptiles for existing, too. Queen, I mourn your loss. Really. After you died, there was no driving force behind the novel. Mort, sorry for all the crap you have to go through all the time. I'm sure the Thirteenth Sandwich Christmas Special (not A Thirteenth Sandwich Christmas) will make it up. More crap, but you must be high on the Nice List. Patsy, you weren't as exciting a character as you usually are. I don't know what's going on there. Cassie! Thanks for providing your sarcasm when I really needed it. Connor. You turned out to be great for comic relief, but then you seemed to disappear. We'll have to work on that. Byss, sorry about killing off your mom. And sorry canon changed again and it's not the way making you and Connor more interesting characters. Stu, you weren't on the list, but you really helped my word count at the end. You gave me hope, and interest, and you can laugh for a really long time. Thanks so much.

Death count: one Queen of Reptiles, hundreds of innocent townspeople (noice job, Queen), one cockatrice.

Artifacts: The Stuhammer, the Emerald, the Sapphire, the Diamond, the Ruby.

Polymorphs: Ivory (lycanthropy: werejackal?) Mort (Morgan, Aqui, jabberwock, dragon) Cassie (weremermaid - seriously?)

Special thanks to NetHack, which provided inspiration for Ivory, Stu, and pretty much all the dungeon exploration. Also, special thanks to the jabberwock. Apparently, jabberwock is a species and there's more than one. At least, now it is. I hope that's not infringing any copyrights there.

Another final thanks to the Queen of Reptiles. May you rest in peace. Unfortunately, the law dictates that you go to hell. Fortunately, fire ain't gonna do much to a dragon. Also fortunately, a certain gatekeeper will set free anyone more badbutt than he is. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. You didn't hear it from me.

-sneaks away-

A Thirteenth Sandwich Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through HQ,
Only Cassie was stirring
(And Kaylee was, too).

Kaylee: Really, Cassie. Go to sleep.
Cassie: Hold on. Lemme finish slaying this dude.

When up from the roof
There arose such a clatter
Cassie dropped her Wiimote
To see what was the matter.

Cassie: Yess! I knew it!
Kaylee: What?

Cassie had heard
Of the Santa of lore,
Having lived on Earth
For some time before.

But Kaylee, from somewhere
Beyond foreign Lanze,
Knew nothing of legend,
Or much about hands.

Cassie: Oh crap, do we have a chimbley? Chimney?
Kaylee: Wha--?
Cassie: How's he supposed to get in?
Kaylee: Wha--?

Then Cassie remembered
A tale she'd heard
That would fix the predicament.
She could take its word.

Cassie: Oh yeah. The Santa Clause.

At last, Kaylee freaked out,
Her patience run thin.
Not literally, of course,
She 'bout burst from her skin.

Kaylee: WHAT THE SCRAP ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??
Cassie: Hmm?

Kaylee pleasantly asked her
With very kind words
And some threats to dismember
And feed several birds.

Cassie: Yeah, um, even if you did manage to get my throat out like that, where do you think you'll find gulls this time of year?
Kaylee: They're south somewhere. It won't be that tough.

"Oh, I totally forgot!"

Cassie said with a grin.

"It's traditional lore.

And it's totally win.

"See, there's this dude, Santa,

And he's the coolest guy.

He delivers these bribes

With these reindeer that fly--

"Oh, geez, where's a window?"

She opened it wide,

Before realizing

She wouldn't see him outside.

Kaylee: He's on the roof, remember?

"So how did you manage

To set up the tree

And all of this other stuff

Without telling me

What the crap it was for?"

Kaylee seemed quite confused.

"And I even helped you?"

She settled on bemused.

"I have no idea,"

Cassie finally said.

"Living in my office

Might mess with your head.

"But never mind that."

Cassie crouched down to hide.

"I'm gonna bet

He comes in from this side."

Finding nowhere to crouch,

Kaylee fell to her bed

And she pulled up the sheets

Over all but her head,

And, feigning sleep,

Or perhaps even death,

She stared, eyes half-closed,

As she holded her breath.

Izzy: Dex, that's not a word.

Dextrose: Shh.

The Santa Clause Principle

Proved to be true,

And a fireplace appeared

Without much ado.

With her eyes squinted,

It might have been skewed,

But Santa sure looked like

A familiar dude.

Cassie sprang to her feet.

"Oh my gosh! It is him!"

Then she saw something odd.

"Uh, you're awfully slim."

"Am I?" he chortled

In a voice they both knew

"I sure hope that's a compliment.

I kind of like you."

Santa: Because sassing Santa is a first-class one-way ticket to the Naughty list.

"Hold on." Cassie caught on,

Looked him from head to toe,

And, disbelieving,

said, "Doctor Guapo?"

Santa looked at his beard.

"I didn't think it looked fake.

Could not grow my own,

It'd take long months to make.

"But, yes, I suppose,

Underneath all this stuff,

I'm your favorite mad scientist."

He struck a pose. It looked tough.

"Doctor Guapo is Santa?"

Kaylee couldn't believe.

"He has other cool jobs

Hidden up in his sleeve?"

"I don't think he's Santa."

Cassie shook her blonde head.

"How would he have time

To make gold from lead?"

"No, I'm not Santa."

Guapo put down his sack.

"I'm filling in for the man.

And I've got quite a knack.

"But in any case, kids,

If you wanted to know,

Santa Claus is healing.

Got attacked by escrow."

Flashback: A critical hit! It's super effective!

Cassie: That doesn't even make sense.

"I must really be going."

Guapo took time to stop

And point with his finger

Toward the rooftop.

As he dumped out the contents

of his colossal sack,

Cassie had to ask,

"Doc?" as she watched him unpack.

"How'd you get so dang lucky

To land such a job?"

She was so jealous

She began to sob.

"Friends in high places."

That might have been a smile,

But under that moustache,

You'd be guessing a while.

"I'm always happy to help.

I sent my list in this year,

And one of my wishes

Was to bring Christmas cheer.

"Then, Santa, surviving

Random battles, if barely,

Gave me this job.

A job that comes rarely.

"You mustn't be envious,

I could see how you would,

But this isn't exactly a job

That is good.

"In the night, in the sky,

Even with my fur coat,

I am quite freezing up there.

It's no reason to gloat.

"Be happy you can

Sleep snug in your bed,

While I have to go up

And freeze off my head.

"You should think less

About your fancy presents

Instead, the providers,

Whose jobs are unpleasant.

"We make your gifts possible,

So I'd say we would love

To hear from you gratitude

Of one kind or anuv."

Dextrose: As in short for another.

Izzy: Are you going to go through the whole thing making up rhyming words?

Dextrose: Hey, I've only Dr. Seuss'd twice.

Cassie guessed he was right.

Kaylee had no such guess.

It was enough for the Doc, though.

He gave them their mess.

"All right, that should do it."

He tied up the strings,

Leaving behind him

All their wonderful things.

Video games for Cassie,

For Kaylee, mostly clothes.

Guapo, nodding farewell,

Put a finger by his nose.

Seeing them reach

For the bright wrapping paper,

He waved them away.

"You must wait for the caper."

"I can tell what's in there

Anyway, Doc.

Video games."

And she ended her talk.

"But you don't know which ones,"

The Doc said with a smile

That may or may not

Have been there all the while.

And then he was gone.

More clatters arose,

And Santa, presumably,

Took off like Dextrose.

On a sugar high after eating too much chocolate and having no random encounters to drain his sugar gauge on.

He yelled one thing more

'Fore he reached earshot's brink:

"Merry Christmas to all,

And something else, I think."