Fanfiction?

I have recently had to face a weird moral dilemma. I have this weird urge to start writhing stuff on everybody's favorite Fanfiction.net. And should I do so, how seriously should I take it?

As most of us do, I regard the site with disgust, distaste, and dis...uh, entery. And writing fanfiction is something I look down upon most of the time. The other half of the time, I write a crappy chapter, throw it on the blog, and wait as the urge to write subsides. Then I end up regretting it. And regretting not knowing how to delete posts.

I guess while Fanfiction.net is against all my morals, I can find other sites that do similar things. I heard about this place, Deviantart or some such. If I use that, I can sound emo instead of, uh, losery. Or whatever the stereotype happens to be at this time.

But then again, I always regret writing the stuff. I shouldn't set up any obligations to write; that's a /bad/ idea. Because at the time of my writing, the urge is building, but my morals still remain. If I had any more encouragement to write, I'd probably be pushed off the deep end.

Uh..

Uhh...

Eh, what the heck. I'll do it. Fire up Google! Fire up the Pokédex!

...Then again this is a terrible idea.

While I'm here...

Yeah, I've been sick for the past few days, with nothing to do but play old Xbox games. But, you know, no worries there. This is basically behind-the-scenes for the previous posts. Well, this paragraph is, at least. And behind-the-scenes for this post, I guess.

I milked Fable II for all it was worth, and then some. I tried to play Fable I, but the Xbox 360 refused to save and crashed every fifteen minutes, which is short enough to not quite have fun, but long enough to stop me from trying again. Then, of course, there was Sonic Heroes and Halo. Fortunately, there was a good game somewhere in the pile. I called it Jade Empire. 'Cause that was its name.

Set in some kind of Asian place (China or something?), it apparently infuriates Japanese Culture Gregs everywhere. Thankfully, I simply watch one anime show sometimes, so I was allowed to enjoy it. It has a couple odd things about it, like how all the characters are really shiny. And the accents (or lack thereof) kind of seem strange in the beginning, but then you realize everything they're saying is being translated, right?

Uhm... yes.

As a gamernerd who is not as experienced as most, I don't realize that the plot is full of what is known as "clichés" and I am allowed to enjoy that, too.

One concern is the battle system gets kind of easy once you've trained up your styles enough. Remember that the game isn't getting easier, but that you, as a gamer, are an expert. If you really want challenge, though, you can raise the difficulty anytime. Or lower it, if you're not so great. A nice thing is that the difficulty that would normally be called "Normal" is called "Master". It makes you feel even better about your elite skills.

I don't even know how much game is left and I already want to replay it. That should say something about the, uh... value thereof. Of replaying. Yeah.

Ah, yes. Another problem would be that when you learn new styles, you don't want to train them up, because that would mean taking attention from your current styles that you're mastering. I kinda want to use Legendary Strike, but it would do next to nothing at this point in the game unless I put all my style points into training it. Which I don't want to do, because it would still be weaker than the rest of my styles.

Of course, it's got the main thing every game seems to need, one o' them anthropomorphic dual-tailed foxes. Several of 'em, actually. I don't know what the deal is. Other demons include Cobar's good twin brother, who seems to have yet another evil twin.

Yeah, I recommend it. All sorts of butt-kicking, both literal and otherwise. And butt-punching, but let's not go there.

My Least Favorite Games: From Crappy to Overhyped

Mortimer Johnson:

You're gonna have to face it, Sonic the Hedgehog. Your switch from the second dimension was very ill-advised. An example of this crap: Sonic Heroes.

You see, I prefer the type of game where I don't have to wonder, "Wait. What does this button do /now?/" I like to not have to push buttons two or three times to get the team configuration the way I want it, and I'm not gonna blame myself for it. A true gamer never blames himself.

Honestly, it doesn't look like much teamwork is actually involved. Only one character at a time can actually do stuff, while the other two grab onto his or her legs, or mysteriously learn to run a lot faster. There isn't an I in team, is there? Also, I think the inactive team members should be more than deadweight, or projectiles on occasion.

Also, I like how being flung into a robot doesn't hurt, but walking into it makes you lose every single hard-earned ring. That's the worst part right there. They want you to do all your messing up in the beginning, while the level /should/ grow increasingly difficult. Doing splendidly the whole time and make a tiny slip-up at the end is /worse/ than messing up in the beginning when everything's easy.

While I'm here, Master Chief, you have a lot of explaining to do yourself. Did you think you got away unnoticed with your wannabe Samus suit? Well, since you haven't gotten sued, I guess you did.

Halo was made for multiplayer. With the recharging shields and all, you have to have enemies that'll keep on you instead of cluelessly standing around when they can't see you. Maybe some of them might, but I didn't see any in the first level of Halo II on Easy, and that's really all I have to judge you on, but then that's where beginners start, and the game should catch their attention there.

As a rebuttal, I'm vaguely interested in the plot, but it's not worth going through the game for.

That's me, the master of old news.

Clearing things up once again!

So apparently there's been some confusion about our illustrious staff. "Every post ends with 'posted by Dextrose,' but the post seems to be written by someone else," except whinier. Well, see, I, Dextrose, was the first to get this blog idea. That's why it's The Legend of Dextrose and not The Ballad of Kaylie or something.

Oh. Kaylie isn't on our staff list. Yeah, she's Mort's otherdimensional girlfriend. It sounds lame, but their love literally started tearing the universe apart, so she lives on Earth now.

Where was I?

So, the others wanted to blog, and we discussed the odds of becoming Internet celebrities. We decided it'd be best to pool our efforts. Somebody who was not a genius (I'm not saying names coughPatsycough) suggested to save space on the Interwebs, we should all share the same account. In an attempt to make fun of him, we used the idea.

We haven't found out what happens if two of us try to log in at the same time. I guess we just don't blog enough for that.

While I'm here, I'll clear up some more facts. Mort and Danny are /not/ the same person. Mort is an /avid/ gamer who lives in Salt Lake City with Patsy and Cassie. Er, not in the same house. I think I made that sound like they lived in the same house. The kind of gamer who plays games that haven't even been released, learning Japanese so he can play games before they're translated to English. Danny, on the other hand, lives in Provo on a much lamer Earth. The one without any kind of real magic. I kinda pity those guys.

Sporking with Dex 'n Izzy: Episode... 5?

Dextrose Theguy: Yeah, I fired the knave in charge of keeping track of those numbers. Now, I simply keep a general-work-stuff knave.

Izzy: Dex, you never had anybody to do your stuff except me.

DT: You only speak when spoken to, knave!

I: Ohhh...

DT: No, no, I'm a joke. The journey to the ultimate spork is gonna need all of our, uh... combined effort stuff.

I: Statement about teamwork?

DT: Yeah. Oughta have you on my side, right?

I: You certainly don't want me against you.

DT: Oh, it's not like I couldn't--uh, finish the sentence.

I: /end menacing glare

DT: Anyways, today I found someone fulfilling all my wishes in a spork! Real, natural bad writing, flame threats...

I: What?

DT: Flame threats?

I: Yeah, uh, what?

DT: Oh... she says WARNING: Don't flame me.

I: This isn't flaming.

DT: No, of course not. And it's not like she'll ever track us down here.

I: We can hope.

DT: ...Aaand probably self-insert.

I: Shall we get this party started, then?

DT: Party? In /there?/

I: Oh. Right.

Today's episode of Sporking with Dex 'n Izzy is sponsored by:

-a brief pause, that our hosts may breathe clean air-

Souldragon12, author of The Legend of Zelda: Passage of Soul

SUMMARY:

A girl whose name is Zelda for no real reason poofs from our world into Hyrule, also for no real reason. Her mom is actually Latias. Yes, the Pokémon. This is the Twilight Princess Hyrule, so when she enters the twilight (or, in this case, "nether-light") she switches to her beast form, right? It's a fox. A white fox. With two tails, yet again for no real reason. She rescues Link and Midna from some souped-up Shadow Beasts, hurts herself a lot, and fights a bunch of bosses.

IN-DEPTH SPORK:

Disclaimer: I do not own The Legend of Zelda or Pokemon Mystery Dungeon

DT: Wait... what? I don't think I clicked on the crossover section.

I: Brian protect us.

DT: What? This is gonna be better than we thought. Or worse, and therefore accidentally funnier. Yes?

My name is Zelda Galesten.

I: Wow. Somebody call the creativity police.

DT: /I'm/ the law, remember?

I: Note the word "creativity."

DT: Oww...

As for looks, think Saria, only older and hotter with Malon's hair-style.

I: Ah, the classic--

DT: Hey, check me out! I got the copy-paste working!

I: What'd you do?

DT: I dunno.

I: It looks kinda crappy now, though.

DT: So? We're gonna save, like, /minutes/ of time!

I: Anyway, as I was saying, it's the classic I-look-like-a-celebrity-only-different.

DT: Strangely, I can't think what the heck that would look like. Oh, wait... No, nothing.

Virgina

DT: Wow. I feel sorry for the people who live there.

I: What?

DT: Well, if they live up to their name...

I: Wha--oh. Dex...

old myths and the super natrual

I: Seeing as I have no idea what /normal/ natrual is like...

so I'm suck at home...

DT: Tee hee hee hee. Ee hee hee hee!

...with nothing to do, except playing Twilight Princess and Pokemon.

DT: Lucky...

I: Dex, what about your job?

DT: I only need to slay dragons, like, once a week.

And no flames or smarty pants crap!

I: Why would one /want/ to crap one's smarty pants?

DT: Some people are babies...

I: Yes, but babies are incapable of being smart.

DT: That's true. Hey, and you can say that, 'cause it's not like we're gonna offend any babies.

I: And it's not like it's not a fact.

Disclaimer: You know I already said I own NOTHING!

DT: Oh, good. Is she gonna put one of these at the beginning of each chapter?

I: It would seem so.

DT: Doesn't your very /presence/ on Fanfiction.net imply you don't own your story?

I: Something like that. But I think it's even more overzealous lawyer defense. Can't be too safe from lawyers.

“ Ms Glasesten!”, my teacher... called.

DT: Oh, it's one of those names even your teacher can't pronounce.

Did I mention that NOBODY in my entire school likes me?

DT: Why am I not surprised?

Now I would problobly be know as ‘The girl who cried algebra’ in the year book...

DT: Hey, that's a good title. I want that title.

I: Uhh...

DT: Except it'll be the guy. Dextrose Theguy who cried algebra. Sha-wingg!

right on top of my repution as the biggest Pokemon and Legend of Zelda geek of all time.

DT: Dang! I want that title, too!

I: -facepalm-

[string of expletives]

DT: Number one: Why would I be carrying poop in the first place, and two: no matter how cute it is, why would I kiss it?

Take This Quiz: What Do You Smell Like to Edward Cullen?

I: Say what?

DT: Tee hee hee.

I: Oh. Dex, that's an ad banner.

DT: It's still hilarious.

NOTE: I might switch from first to third so bear with me

DT: What? First to third what? Third base?

I: Eww, no. Third person.

DT: Say what?

I: First person is from the character's eyes, third means you follow the character.

DT: Oh, like first-person shooters! This is gonna be good!

I: Wha--no, not like--argh. Excuse my edutainment.

Vicky left me alone after I told her that the next time she’d put on her uniform, it would be two sizes too small.

DT: I'm sure this is naughty, but I can't figure out what it is.

Well, this is the part where I’d get sucked into the TP world.

I: Oh yeah SPOILERS

DT: You don't put spoilers inside the story.

I: I think she tried foreshadowing.

DT: Uh, Souldragon? NOO GOOD!

black Ninendo GameCube

DT: Oh no, I must be emo.

I: Dex, lots of people have black GameCubes. Besides, it's already been established she's a nerd/geek.

I heard phone the ring.

DT: And I cried out, "Where my hat is at?"

I lost my gaming sprit.

DT: Blasphemy!

So, I got my sorry [bottomus] up and turned it off.

DT: Why was it on in the first place? And what, exactly, does that mean?

I: Oh, it's Pet Peeve #88: Dreams and flashbacks in italics for no real reason.

DT: Actually, I think that's--

I: I don't care if it's right! I hate it!

"...thou shall meet ye destiny…..”

DT: Check me out. Normally I put excerpts in italics, but it was already in italics, so now it's in /not/ italics!

I: -pushes him out of the way- Pet Peeve #89: people who try to speak Olde Tyme English and don't know how.

DT: Oh, come on, Izz. Ye belongs in every Olde Tyme sentence.

I: Pet Peeve #90: People who think /that./

DT: Ohh...

DT: Ah, man. I was hoping for some mystical, uh... something. Y'know, reasons to suddenly find Zelly in an alternate universe other than "It is your destiny." Or "ye destiny," in this case.

“ Most of the time when we think we are alone, we are really not. Why would we feel alone when we are surrounded by the ones we truly care about?”

I: Ah, the obligatory spirit, god, or dragon with sage-type advice.

DT: Except her parents /weren't/ around. Thanks a lot, Ordona.

Six Elements

I: I can see we're not talking about the Periodic Table here, but I can only think of four.

DT: Fire, water, earth, wind, dark, light.

I: Wha--

DT: She shoulda made it eight and thrown in, like, moon and wood or something. Also, she should split earth into ground, grass, and rock, add steel--

I: Ahem.

Nerther-light

I: Sounds like a combination of northern and nether.

DT: Aurora of DOOM.

I: Dex, I don't think you even know what nether means.

DT: Well... not as such, but it's one of those words, you know? Secret, legend, tale...

I: Ah. Stock fantasy words.

DT: Yes.

There was a flash of liquid gold light.

DT: Oh. That sounds... tasty?

I knew how to read Unown.

DT: Oh, wow. Once again, I am jealous.

“ Oh gate that block my entery……"

DT: "/WHAT??/" said the gate.

“ OH HOLY MOTHER OF SH-!”

DT: By all means, finish your expletive. The one that comes to mind makes no sense, so let's hear yours.

I: Wouldn't any female who poops be one of those? Just not a holy one?

DT: I was thinking more along the lines of some kind of title in a religion centered around poop.

“ I’d wish could get across this fog…..”

DT: "Who the [helm] is I'd Wish?" Zelly cried.

Then, the twilight runes on my body turned from bronze, to green and they started to glow the same color.

DT: Wait... didn't you just... never mind.

“……..Did…….. Did I do this? …….."

DT: -drowns-

I: Good gravy! You only need three!

DT: Lives remaining: 2.

The wolf turned his head and gave me a wet lick on my face.

DT: Aw, come on. Why does everybody have to make Link an utter moron?

DT: I wonder when the whole Unown thing is gonna come into play.

“ HACK! HACK!"

I: I should probably mention that she was supposed to be choking, not saying hack.

“ Link, is that a fox with two tails?” she asked.

DT: Did she say anything about Sonic the Hedgehog in her disclaimers?

I: No, Zelly's the fox. Remember? The white dual-tailed fox?

DT: ...Yes?

I: What's so great about foxes?

DT: Especially ones with multiple tails?

“ I think so. But what’s she doing in a place like this?”

DT: Yeah. Seriously. Go find Sonic, you twit!

“ Of course I can see you, I not dumb!”

DT: "I beg to differ," Midna mumbled.

before I forget this whole chapt was recreated by Envoyshadow who really hepled me out.

DT: Oof. Good thing I didn't see it /before./

Link flustered a bit and did the anime fall on his face.

I: Dex?

DT: I'm fairly certain she didn't mean anime, and even if she did, I'm not a Japanese-culture-type nerd!

I: Just regular type?

DT: No, gamernerd.

Right now I had two choices, I could die right then and there, or I could howl for help. I decided it was best to howl.

DT: O.O You're a genius!

“ Well, I think you owe us now little fox,” said Midna smugly with her crooked smile.

DT: Uh, no she doesn't. She just rescued you guys. That means there is no debt, right?

“ YOU HAVE COME TO CHALLNAGE ME TO THE DEATH?!”

DT: No, not as such, but...

“ Yes. We have come to fight to the death!”

DT: What?

“ ...IF YOU SCUCCEED IN SUCH A DEED, WHAT IS YOUR REQUEST!?"

DT: /What?/

“ If we win, Faron, then you must let me heal your Light Soul, and allow me to lift this Nether-light,” Zelly barked

DT: Okay, so they're planning on killing him, and then healing his soul?

I: Fat lot of good that's gonna do.

DT: Ooh! Does that mean they get a Faron mask?

I: What?

Of course my complaints were ignored by the corrupted Spirit as he made his entrance by basting the tainted, smelly water all over the da[r]ned place.

I: I'm pretty sure basting is--

DT: Pouring juices on stuff while cooking to keep it moist.

I: ...some... kinda cooking thing. Why the heck do you--

DT: NO REASON!

AWESOME AS HEL[M]!!!

I: I personally see that place as the opposite of awesome.

The thing was going to choke the life out of her if someone doesn't do something!

I: That's when, without warning, I switched to the present tense!

“ Hyrule was once known as a place where the creatures known as the Pokemon lived."

DT: Oh holy Brian. Knave, copy-paste this whole story.

I: My name is Isabel, and we'd never get away with that.

Zelda, you are Latias’ chosen descendent.”

DT: Discussion time! I don't think legendaries reproduce, and if they did, how the heck would a descendant be human?

I: Well, when a man and a--

DT: That's not what I meant! I-- Hey, I think... that makes sense, but eww.

First of all, I end up in the Zelda universe and find out that Pokemon are real....or I think their real.

DT: Because I /knew/ Zelda was real.

“ So I’m Latias’ descendent? But how?” I questioned.

DT: That's what I'd like to know.

“ It is not my place to tell you."

DT: Oh, come /on!/

ginned crookedly

I: Had a bit too much to drink there?

Then the twilight runes on Zelly started to shimmer in liquid gold.

DT: Oh no! She's melting!

“That’s a red fox, you Deku Stick,"

DT: You gotta hand it to her, that's a pretty good insult.

I: Shut up, Deku Stick. Oh yeah, that feels really good.

Link and I had to our best to avoid them lest we want to both in up in Hyrule castle.

I: WHAT.

"I'm well aware of that Link. But I have to. My life is really nothing in the battle to free Hyrule of corruption and sorrow," she whined softly. My mouth dropped. Did she just say something wise?

DT: Not really.

I: Wasn't she, like, the key to saving Hyrule and all that?

curved piece of brown crap

I: All crap is brown.

DT: 'Cept for the green ones. And the occasional corny--

I: Shut up, Deku Stick! Whoo!

DT: Am I allowed to facepalm? Or is that your job?

I: You didn't just do something stupid.

DT: I--never mind.

"Yeah. I'm OK, thanks for the save." she said. Link smiled. "No problem. Call it even for saving our butts from that cage back in Faron Woods."

DT: If you were to ask me, you've /been/ even.

"It was the girl blessed with her mother's Soul Force."

DT: Whoa, whoa! So now Latisomething is her /mom?/

I: That's /way/ different than ancient ancestor. I've no clue how her genes got the way they are, but I'm gonna guess she's sterile.

DT: Oh. Says Latias "took on the form of a human."

I: That might almost work, except for the fact that--

DT: Shut up, you Deku Stick! Yess!

Eldin-Sama

DT: Oh, great. Zelly's getting all Japanese culture on us.

-they abscond-

New Gamernerd Stuph

Huh. Mort Johnson has the same initials as Michael Jackson.

IN ANY CASE.

You know that E3 thing that happened, like, a month or two ago? We finally have a report on it. Well, we at least have a compilation of Mort's and Danny's most wanted games.

Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Sky

Yup. It's official. The plot is the same as Time/Darkness. In fact, most of the game seems to be the same. Just, like, an expansion pack. But then, it's an expansion of my favorite game ever, so...

Scribblenauts

Don't think too hard. It starts to blow your mind when you think about all the datums that they have to be putting into this thing. Write anything (or any child-friendly noun) and it appears in-game for you to mess around with. The only thing to worry about is everything's gonna distract you from the main game. But, then, the real point of a game is to have fun, and if just messing around is fun... you know? Kicks butt either way.

Super Mario Galaxy 2

I can't believe some people think this was a mistake by Nintendo. When has making a sequel to a great game been a bad move, especially a Mario game? Come on, think about it. Super Mario Bros. 1, 2, and 3; Super Mario World 1 and 2 (or something like that), and so forth. And then it's with Yoshi, and harder... I'm always up for a challenge. As long as it's not a dumb-type one.

New Super Mario Bros. Wii

Omg. (pronounced AHMG.) It's the game we've been waiting for all our lives: four player simultaneous Mario. What else can I say?

This is why they need jobs. Also, neither of them have their hands on Okami yet.

Please disregard the fact that they completely ignored non-Nintendo-type games. This was, after all, a list of the games they want. This was not intended to be full coverage. Duh.

Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Nerdiness

In case there are some overzealous lawyers around, I DON'T OWN YOUR CRAP, OKAY? Oh, wait, except it's not crap or I wouldn't be borrowing some, would I? Though some would borrow crap. That's not me, though.

In more legalese terms, I do not own any of the games I make reference to or anything, nor am I so much as affiliated with them.

PMcC:

One of our greatest wishes as gamers is an opportunity to go pro. For some weird reason, people would rather watch football on television than Soul Calibur and such. Well, barring that, we look for an opportunity for our staggering knowledge of trivia to come in handy.

Well, when you're pretty much a god (and that, my children, is a discussion for another day), you tend to get your wishes in some way or another. And sometimes your friends get involved.

I guess it all started with another accident at the mad scientists'. Those seem to happen quite a bit. She still trusts us, for some reason. "Just don't touch anything!" Honestly, Flux, what else is there to do here?

Honestly, I'm beginning to think it's a bad thing that she trusts us, as she's working on fabric-of-reality type stuff.

Knocking down the huge, blinking-lights thingy couldn't hurt, could it? Especially since the batteries didn't seem to be inside it? "But then," said Mort, "How is it blinking?" Thankfully, we managed to cover our tracks and get the helm out of there before Flux showed up.

Right now, I'm trying to think of my decision to run as a blessing instead of a curse...

It was a typical day at Edward Teach High. Y'know, nothing fun that should be, and something odd like English being the best thing ever. But still, you end up looking forward to lunch all day. Except after it, of course, when you look forward to tonight's Guitar Hero party.

Gotta have the cliques in a stereotypical high school setting. You know, preps, jocks, emos, girls who are way hot but probably total jerks. Can't think of the word you would typically use for thems. I was glad I didn't look like a nerd/geek, the conglomerate that had to be made because of increasingly small numbers, since our territory (i.e. table) was at the end of the room. There was probably jeering and all that. Or maybe everybody's too self-absorbed to care. I noticed Mort and Cassie didn't seem emotionally scarred.

In fact, I realized as I sat, Mort was the only one who looked all that nerdy. And that was pretty much just the glasses.

Mort took a break from simultaneously eating a sandwich and playing Pokémon to do the secret handshake. All the best groups have to have those, I tried to reassure myself as I glanced self-consciously about. Luckily, he and Cassie were too locked in epic combat to notice.

Deciding it best not to disturb them, I ate in silence for a while, regarding other nerds busy playing their Yu-Gi-Oh and Magic: The Gathering and, on the far end, Dungeons and Dragons. Basically too focused to have a conversation with. Socializing was tough today without a DS, deck, or very special piece of paper.

One game ended with a frustrated sigh and a triumphant laugh. Mort gave his famous line: "What kind of self-respecting trainer uses potions?"

"Yeah," Cassie jokingly agreed, "Or EV training, or breeding, or far too many vitamins."

"At least I fight with honor."

"At least I fight with power!" she laughed, taking a swig of chocolate milk.

I managed to stop Mort before he managed to start playing his dejected game of Dr. Mario. "How's it going?"

He looked surprised. "How do you think? I just got my butt kicked. You wouldn't believe the Special Defense on Cassie's--"

I rephrased the question. "How is your life outside the virtual plane?"

He had to think for a moment. "Well, I've been a little worried that Flux is gonna invent a death ray and need test subjects."

"I don't think she knows about the last one yet."

A loud beeping silenced the room. We kind of learned our lessons that time when they turned the intercom way up to be heard and we were deaf for the rest of the day. Not fun.

"Attention, students."

Yeah, why bother? You've got it.

"Please do not be alarmed."

Fire drill.

"This is not a drill."

Excitement sparked up. A real fire?

"The school is now under quarantine."

Better not be a real fire. But with our staff...

"The cooties virus--"

Uh-oh.

"--has made a sudden reappearance."

As long as we're quarantining the virus out...

The principal's voice... changed in some way. I couldn't quite make it out right then. "Inside the school."

The entire school broke into screams of "Oh, crap!" and similar.

Laughter. I hoped it was of the oh-man-this-is-gonna-hurt-best-case-scenario variety. "Fortunately, there are enough biohazard suits--"

Phew.

"--for me."

No, that was evil laughter.

"I have to thank the local mad scientist for the mutant variation. I hope there are at least 493 of you."

What was that supposed to mean? And why did that number seem so familiar? Wasn't the local mad scientist Flux? Didn't she teach Basic Mad Science class here?

As the school erupted into general chaos, Mort answered one of the questions I hadn't actually asked out loud. "493. There are 493 Pokémon..."

"What a coincidence?" Cassie said hopefully.

"I don't think so. Just don't ask." I sighed, mentally preparing myself for the horrors ahead. "Mort, this is partly your fault."

"What?" he demanded.

I corrected myself. "I mean, if my theory's correct."

That seemed to be a relief. I wondered what that could mean.

Mort, Cassie, and I banded together. All the rest of the nerd/geek clique were "too old for that stuff" to listen to us. Originally, we thought we should meet in the Mad Science classroom, but then we remembered Flux's odd behavior recently and decided on the band room. No one would take refuge there.

I took charge. I had a tendency to when Tracy wasn't around. "So, Mort," I said, hitting my most authoritative pose, "any exits open?"

He scoffed. "I told you it was a dumb idea. Angry mobs have already tried all of 'em. And they seem to be unbreakable."

"Cooties is probably going fast," I muttered. "Cass--what did I send you to do again?"

"Mad Science room is locked. No sign of Flux."

"Hmm." I wanted to say "good," but I wasn't sure this was good. "Either of you infected yet?"

Mort checked his hand. "Not that I can tell."

"I think I'd notice," said Cassie.

"That's good," I said. "Okay, let's go over it again. No way out, no way to get to Flux, no way to the principal. But I refuse to just let us sit here until we have to resort to cannibalism."

"It'll only kind of be cannibalism by the time we're through," said Cassie.

"As long as I don't get Nidoqueen, I think I'm good," said Mort.

"Could that happen?"

"Maybe. I don't--"

"It didn't happen with the pandemic."

"Yeah, well, there were only, like, three Pokémon in the pandemic. Hardly a reasonable--"

"Will you two stop talking about it like it's inevitable?" I yelled.

"Will you stop pretending it isn't?" Cassie replied, much calmer than I was. "Look, I'm thinking we can wait, and then figure a way to escape with our new powers."

"Also, I better not get Magikarp or Chikorita or Goldeen, or, like, Jynx--"

I massaged my temples, groaning quietly. "No, escape isn't an option, either. Then it would spread."

"Would it really be that bad, a world of Pokémon?" Cassie asked, sounding as philosophical as she could.

"Yes," was the short answer. "You remember the pandemic? Think that, but superpowered."

She had an excellent imagination. I could see her horror clearly as she said, "I see."

"I'm hoping, say, Bulbasaur. Though I guess Butterfree wouldn't be that bad, even if it is girly, 'cause it can learn some--"

"Shut up, Mortimer!" I snapped. "I think I have a decent plan now."

"Well, let's hear it then!" said Mort, clearly ticked off.

I pushed back my anger. A leader was stronger than this. "Okay. We need a cure, and we can't leave and spread it, even if we could. This kind of stuff couldn't be done by a normal scientist; we need a mad one. That's Flux. I don't care what just happened; she's our only hope right now."

Mort was stunned. He didn't expect logic from me. I guess I get that way when I'm stressed.

"Can we wait a while, though?" Cassie asked. "I wanna try out the Pokémon thing for a little while. It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity."

"You might be Jynx."

The sheer horror of this paralyzed her. All except for her mouth, I guess. "Right. Let's get to it."

This is the end of side 1. To continue listening to "PMD: EoN," please fast-forward to the end of the tape and flip it over.