Yeah, I Should Probably Insert a Title

I have no clue what the books would be about, but these seem like great titles to me:

We Can't All Be Dextrose Theguy

Case In Point: Dextrose Theguy

Dextrose Theguy: Running On Empty

Dexter Rose: May or May Not be Dextrose Theguy

Because every book in the world should be about me. Especially autobiographies.

The contents of this post are subject to change. Or I could, like, start a series of book titles without books. And also cover art. I should do cover art.

Sporking with Dex 'n Izzy: Episode 6

Dextrose Theguy: Woo-hoo! Ten thousand words, and Connor's plot finally showed up!

Izzy Marshwood: Oh, really?

DT: Uh-huh. I barely got this far last year, and this year I'm right on schedule! To celebrate, I will perform everybody's favorite activity, sporking the crap out of something.

IM: Unfortunately, the crap tends to remain.

DT: So, after my massive success at StarFox, I think I can spork that area.

IM: Oh my.

DT: Or perhaps write my own fanfiction in that area. "Dexter Rose, leader of Team SmiteSquad..."

IM: ...

DT: Yeah, of course I'm kidding.

ST: Hey, Dex. I'm cleaning spears and such now, need any cleaned?

DT: Mine were the first on your list. Back to work, knave!

Today's episode of Sporking with Dex 'n Izzy was brought to you by:

The letter Q, and the number 18.

ST: This isn't "Sesame Street", Dex.

DT: Hey, let's spork the "What do you smell like to Edward Cullen" quiz! "Which one of these treats would you prefer to nibble on? Jacob Black."

IM: Holy Shinx, you didn't answer that, did you?

DT: Goodness, no. "Which one are you?" There's no "I'm a /man./"

IM: Yeah, there is.

DT: But without the emphasis. "Would you say you are a dog person or a cat person?"

IM: Oh, I'm a cat person.

ST: That's not what they were asking. By the way, Daxton is in your room, Izzy.

IM: What the helm does he think he's doing in there?

ST: Why don't you find out?

IM: -storms out of the room-

ST:-takes her seat-

DT: I think the quiz thinks I'm gay... What's an attractive guy scent? Let's say axe, I'd be most likely to wield some o' that. Now let's see, how do I lie to the address thingy?

ST: By the way, Daxton likes Izzy. A lot.

DT: Can someone seal that warp tube? Thanks. In any case, I Smell Like Strawberries. My sweet personality can't be contained... It makes him wish he could nibble me. At which point I whip out my trusty garlic cannon and wooden steak. Also a wooden stake and a regular steak, for my victory party. Hurrah.

IM: Sucrose, what are you doing there?

DT: Ah, crap. I was supposed to seal the tube after he was gone.

ST: I'm here to, well, talk to you guys.

IM: Isn't it your bedtime?

ST: I'M NOT DONE TALKING! Er, Daxton likes you to start off.

IM: That's nice. OUT OF MY SEAT!

ST: Fine, I'll hover. -starts to hover above seat-

DT: Okay, as I was saying before the quiz so rudely interrupted,

Today's episode of Sporking with Dex 'n Izzy was brought to you by:

The letter Q, and the number 18.

ST: Still not "Sesame Street"!

DT: Quiet, knave.

SUMMARY

A wolf presumably gets shot.

IN-DEPTH (to an extent) SPORK:

Fox McCloud, a Red fox from the planet Corneria, sat in his chair in the great fox playing his IPod as he lesion to Linkin Park ‘In the end’.

DT: Oh, good gravy.

IM: I totally have no comment.

DT: Linkin Park plus Star Wars--er, Fox--equals POOP.

IM: Plus, what's this "lesion"? A... legion... lesson?

DT: Whatcha wanna bet the song becomes important later?

IM: Or, like, the entire plot of the story?

DT: If only I knew the lyrics...

IM: Er, actually, you have no business listening to crap.

DT: -shrugs- That's true.

black and purple ship

DT: To the Emomobile! Dudulududulududulududuluduuuuuuuh! Nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh EMO!!

ST: Wow.

DT: You can just call me the fanfare master!

hair that was purple

DT: Geez louise, you established the emo part already! You can stop whenever you like!

blue jeans

DT: Oh /ho!/ So you want it to come across that she's a creative emo, one who doesn't wear the typical black or red!

IM: Red jeans exist?

DT: I slayed a vampire once in red jeans. I mean, he was wearing them.

IM: When did you take up vampire slaying?

DT: Shh.

“So what took you so long to call McCloud?” the she-wolf asked

IM: AARG WHY DOES SHE SPEAK IN ITALICS

“How do you know I’m a McCloud?” Fox asked

“Because there are only six McCloud’s and only two are guys.” The she-wolf said

DT: Objection, Your Honor. The prosecution's argument is inane.

IM: I thought we were the prosecution.

DT: Well, I didn't remember what the other guys are called.

“Oh by the way My Name is Mystic.

DT: And that's why everything I say is italicized."

Krystal McCloud, the blue and white vixen

DT: Oh, is that what she is? I could never figure that out. Whoa, whoa, she's related to Fox? Aren't they, like... hot for each other...?

IM: /Maybe/, Dex, Anglehog is trying to say they're married.

DT: Oh. Uh... so did they have that honeymoon on Sauria yet? THAT WAS THE BEST CUTSCENE IN THE GAME

Marcus McCloud, Blue and White fox,

DT: Who the helm is he?

IM: He had better dang well be canon. Or... probably not. I'd be upset with... whoever owns the rights right now.

DT: Let's check the disclaimer list of characters Angley "owns".... No, but it could be "other".

IM: Dag. Don't know who to hate on that one.

Slippy

(both): SLIPPY!

“Rain… Rain as in Lunirainos, the girl we meet year ago?”

DT: "Probably not," said Fox. "I don't know where you found the Rain part in there."

"I volunteer father." Marcus said

DT: Oh. So either Fox is old or Marcus will be morbidly inept. I instantly dislike him and hope for the latter.

IM: Even if he's canon?

DT: ESPECIALLY THEN.

IM: Well, I guess that honeymoon happened, then. Either way.

Fox nodded

(that's to Marcus's offer, by the way)

DT: Oh, good. Fox wants him dead, too.

"Fox if you find Rain she'll call you Daddy and you would have to tell Falco and Marcus." Krystal said

DT: "Wow," said Fox, "You make less sense than usual."

"I know but I need to find our daughter she might be in grave danger." Fox said

DT: Oh, I see. Omg! Illegitimate children!

IM: No, he said "our".

DT: Oh. Fine. New joke: BECAUSE TRICKY IS HUNGRY.

an Orange bear

DT: All right, I was okay with Krystal because I didn't know what she was, but now it's just dumb. Where are the Sonic the Hedgehog Colors coming from?

"Brindo unst los tango Medo. (Fire storm of the sky)" Mystic said

IM: Don't you hate it when you say your footnotes out loud?

After running for quite some time mystic dropped down to her knees and looked at the Injure Apep gave her. Her whole world started to spin until with a flop Mystic fell to the ground watching blackness take her over.

DT: That's the calmest running-for-your-life-and-then-passing-out-from-an-injury-that-I-never-figured-out-happened I've ever seen.

"That's Mystic's ship. She's here."

IM: 'Cause she didn't say she would be here.

"I'll go ahead Father." Marcus said over his shoulder

"Marcus Wait." Fox said

...Marcus picked her up and walked right back to find Fox and Falco fighting still.

DT: It's settled. Fox doesn't really care.

IM: I bet he dies within the next five minutes. Marcus, I mean.

Marcus thought that O'Donnell's were evil

DT: See? Another fatal mistake. They're just antiheroes, and love to help when it's for the Good of the Universe.

IM: The worst kind of hero of all!

Comet, Rain, Aurora, Lemonade, Be-Dena, and Ti I'm coming soon.

IM: Wow. See, you can tell which ones are OCs 'cause they have terrible names.

DT: Hold on. Where's the rest of the story?

IM: Only one chapter? I demand a refund!

DT: Let's make this a double!

Today's episode of Sporking with Dex 'n Izzy was also brought to you by:

The letter S, and the number 3,082.

ST: -disappears in a poof of voip in frustration-

SUMMARY

Fox and Krystal crash-land (which could be taken in multiple ways) and run into a Pikachu.

IN-DEPTH SPORK:

Fox began to feel a rough sensation through his body as his cockpit began to shake violently.

DT: Oh, wow. /That/ sentence is easy to take the wrong way.

"What the hel[m]?!"

IM: Except the /don't swear/ and make it incredibly obvious when they are not swearing.

Then in a blink of an eye, Fox's arwing smashed into Krystal's,

DT: That /also/ couldn't be taken the wrong way!

IM: Pardon my Aquan, but shut the helm up.

Feeling the intensity

IM: That's it! I get the excerpts from now on!

DT: Aww...

the fuel tank had a deep gash running down it, and Krystal knew that was bad.

DT: No, it's not. Gasoline is a toy.

IM: No inappropriate comments this time?

DT: It's Wittychick's fault!

In a rush to save the one person she had ever really cared for

IM: Except for Slippy!

even if she wouldn't admit it

IM: Especially the part about Slippy.

on fire due to the flames

DT: :o

[Brian]-forsaken

DT: Yeah, and they don't take any names in vain, either.

She couldn't breath

IM: That's almost as bad as when you can't breathe.

Krystal had to break eye contact before she did an action she knew she may regret in the future.

DT: Which could be taken in multiple--

IM: -mighty slap-

due to them being anthropomorphic

DT: :o I didn't know that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!exclamationpoint

Pikachu!

DT: -sigh- And that's the end of that one, too.

IM: Seriously, you guys, write more chapters. To make fun of.

HEY GUESS WHAT NOVEMBER IS.

Got an answer?

It's National Novel Writing Month!multipleexclamationpoints!

I, Dextrose Theguy have taken the challenge!

50,000 words in 30 days. Yeah. So, there goes any chance at having a life for the next month. But then, that was never an option.

This is when I leave a link, I guess.

Bleah!

Review: StarFox: Assault

rated T for fantasy violence and Krystal is way hot

You know, before this game, the only shooter I had actually enjoyed was Chex Quest (and Halo, if the other players were also willing to dork around). And Dark Forces, I guess. In any case, it's one of the few. Probably because I only have to do the shooter part half the time, and the rest of the time it's a flight simulator.

It's one of those rare third-person shooters. And for good reason. You don't want /anything/ to get in the way while you're trying to see, especially if that's you. The enemies were big enough for that not to be much of a problem, I guess, and with all the rolling, I'd really get thrown off. Maybe that's the reason I liked it so much. Why aren't the characters in shooters agile? Why can't you see the shots coming and get a chance to dodge? Assault really delivered for me.

Then there's the whole reason I wanted it in the first place: the flight. It's so refreshing, after Star Wars Battlefront, to have a ship that can take a hit, and that can hit other ships. Some missions have you kind of maneuver around a canned course, and that was still fun. My favorites, though, were the ones where I could fly my Arwing however I wanted. Those also tended to include my favorite vehicle, the Landmaster, and also some of the regular type shooting. Landing the Arwing was the main problem.

The only thing that was really missing was a "delegate" button. Just when you start getting on a roll, one of your teammates will yell "Help me, Fox!" and you have to drop what you're doing, run to a tank (or already be in a worthy vehicle, in most cases, but that's not the point) and quickly learn how to shoot with one of those things. Fox should be able to look up and say, "Come on, you guys. Krystal, take care of Slippy." Also, it was really short, and it kind of felt odd that they waited to heap on the challenge until the final mission.

I haven't really tried multiplayer much, but I know Slippy is my favorite character. He's slow, but great with a Landmaster, and his shots charge really fast. But if we're dogfighting, I'm probably gonna go with Falco, because Slippy is a joke in an Arwing.

As long as nobody gets one of those heatseekers of one-hit kill*, multiplayer's fine.

4.7 urns out of 5. Or was my system out of four? I should change it to out of four. And only be able to do increments of half. Okay. 3.5 urns out of 4. Thank you, goodbye.

*+3?

Fanfiction?

I have recently had to face a weird moral dilemma. I have this weird urge to start writhing stuff on everybody's favorite Fanfiction.net. And should I do so, how seriously should I take it?

As most of us do, I regard the site with disgust, distaste, and dis...uh, entery. And writing fanfiction is something I look down upon most of the time. The other half of the time, I write a crappy chapter, throw it on the blog, and wait as the urge to write subsides. Then I end up regretting it. And regretting not knowing how to delete posts.

I guess while Fanfiction.net is against all my morals, I can find other sites that do similar things. I heard about this place, Deviantart or some such. If I use that, I can sound emo instead of, uh, losery. Or whatever the stereotype happens to be at this time.

But then again, I always regret writing the stuff. I shouldn't set up any obligations to write; that's a /bad/ idea. Because at the time of my writing, the urge is building, but my morals still remain. If I had any more encouragement to write, I'd probably be pushed off the deep end.

Uh..

Uhh...

Eh, what the heck. I'll do it. Fire up Google! Fire up the Pokédex!

...Then again this is a terrible idea.

While I'm here...

Yeah, I've been sick for the past few days, with nothing to do but play old Xbox games. But, you know, no worries there. This is basically behind-the-scenes for the previous posts. Well, this paragraph is, at least. And behind-the-scenes for this post, I guess.

I milked Fable II for all it was worth, and then some. I tried to play Fable I, but the Xbox 360 refused to save and crashed every fifteen minutes, which is short enough to not quite have fun, but long enough to stop me from trying again. Then, of course, there was Sonic Heroes and Halo. Fortunately, there was a good game somewhere in the pile. I called it Jade Empire. 'Cause that was its name.

Set in some kind of Asian place (China or something?), it apparently infuriates Japanese Culture Gregs everywhere. Thankfully, I simply watch one anime show sometimes, so I was allowed to enjoy it. It has a couple odd things about it, like how all the characters are really shiny. And the accents (or lack thereof) kind of seem strange in the beginning, but then you realize everything they're saying is being translated, right?

Uhm... yes.

As a gamernerd who is not as experienced as most, I don't realize that the plot is full of what is known as "clichés" and I am allowed to enjoy that, too.

One concern is the battle system gets kind of easy once you've trained up your styles enough. Remember that the game isn't getting easier, but that you, as a gamer, are an expert. If you really want challenge, though, you can raise the difficulty anytime. Or lower it, if you're not so great. A nice thing is that the difficulty that would normally be called "Normal" is called "Master". It makes you feel even better about your elite skills.

I don't even know how much game is left and I already want to replay it. That should say something about the, uh... value thereof. Of replaying. Yeah.

Ah, yes. Another problem would be that when you learn new styles, you don't want to train them up, because that would mean taking attention from your current styles that you're mastering. I kinda want to use Legendary Strike, but it would do next to nothing at this point in the game unless I put all my style points into training it. Which I don't want to do, because it would still be weaker than the rest of my styles.

Of course, it's got the main thing every game seems to need, one o' them anthropomorphic dual-tailed foxes. Several of 'em, actually. I don't know what the deal is. Other demons include Cobar's good twin brother, who seems to have yet another evil twin.

Yeah, I recommend it. All sorts of butt-kicking, both literal and otherwise. And butt-punching, but let's not go there.

My Least Favorite Games: From Crappy to Overhyped

Mortimer Johnson:

You're gonna have to face it, Sonic the Hedgehog. Your switch from the second dimension was very ill-advised. An example of this crap: Sonic Heroes.

You see, I prefer the type of game where I don't have to wonder, "Wait. What does this button do /now?/" I like to not have to push buttons two or three times to get the team configuration the way I want it, and I'm not gonna blame myself for it. A true gamer never blames himself.

Honestly, it doesn't look like much teamwork is actually involved. Only one character at a time can actually do stuff, while the other two grab onto his or her legs, or mysteriously learn to run a lot faster. There isn't an I in team, is there? Also, I think the inactive team members should be more than deadweight, or projectiles on occasion.

Also, I like how being flung into a robot doesn't hurt, but walking into it makes you lose every single hard-earned ring. That's the worst part right there. They want you to do all your messing up in the beginning, while the level /should/ grow increasingly difficult. Doing splendidly the whole time and make a tiny slip-up at the end is /worse/ than messing up in the beginning when everything's easy.

While I'm here, Master Chief, you have a lot of explaining to do yourself. Did you think you got away unnoticed with your wannabe Samus suit? Well, since you haven't gotten sued, I guess you did.

Halo was made for multiplayer. With the recharging shields and all, you have to have enemies that'll keep on you instead of cluelessly standing around when they can't see you. Maybe some of them might, but I didn't see any in the first level of Halo II on Easy, and that's really all I have to judge you on, but then that's where beginners start, and the game should catch their attention there.

As a rebuttal, I'm vaguely interested in the plot, but it's not worth going through the game for.

That's me, the master of old news.