Sporking with Dex n' Izzy: Episode 3

Dextrose: So. And other fantastic adventure today as we return to...
THE BELLY OF THE BEAST.
Izzy: Dex, about the apostrophes.
Dextrose: Say what?
Izzy: Apostrophes. The thingies around the N in Dex 'n' Izzy.
Dextrose: Uh, what about them?
Izzy: They're inconsistent.
Dextrose: What?
Izzy: -logs on to the Legend of Dextrose- Look. Episode One was Dex 'n Izzy, Episode Two was Dex 'n' Izzy, and--
Dextrose: So, you're stalling?
Izzy: Yeah...
Dextrose: Come on. COURAGE. We must be brave.
Izzy: Let's just get it over with.
-they enter fanfiction.net-
Dextrose: Ooh, check out that "browse crossovers" button.
Izzy: -eyes widen in horror- NOOOOOO

Today's episode of Sporking with Dex 'n Izzy was sponsored by:
MindSpring, author of A New Beginging

Izzy:OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dextrose: Quiet. Now it's too late to make a joke about the title.
Now, it wasn't like her to be impatient, but the shuttle was late. And Peach hated to be late.
Dextrose: Make up your mind.
parasol
pink umbrella
Dextrose: Again, make up your mind.
Izzy: Isn't that also technically--
Dextrose: Ssh.
were sitting on... each other
Dextrose: Ooh.
Samus (without her suit
Dextrose: Ooooh.
it was just too darn hot
Dextrose: Indeed. And that's "she."
Izzy: -resounding slap-
dimpled slightly
Dextrose: What? What? That's a real phrase?
tight suit
Dextrose: Have I mentioned oooh--
Izzy: YES YOU HAVE SHUT UP!
tomboy-eness matching his... not-ness
Dextrose: I object, Your Honor. That sentence should be taken out and shot.
boredom and new friendships
Dextrose: -sighs- So true.
Ganondrof
Dextrose: That's one of those names, that when you misspell it, it's always ridiculously funny. Oh, and Izzy, say stuff. All you've done so far is cry when I make insinuendos.
Izzy: -grumbles-
Ganondrof
Dextrose: Teeheeheehee! Again!
she looked too busy to grant anyone magic right now.
Dextrose: Ooooooooh-
Izzy: SHUT IT!
Their yells were the only noise on the empty platform
Dextrose: Yeah, empty except for ALL THE DUDES.
Izzy: The only noise besides ALL THE PEEPS TALKING.
Dextrose: And all the characters who look/sound/taste like kids play tag.
Izzy: Taste?
Dextrose: Never you mind. But if you were to ask me, Popo is totally a MAN.
Izzy: Whatever.
She loved watching children
Dextrose: Meh heh heh--
Izzy: Dex, your whole joke is made by taking it out of context.
Dextrose: Shh.
Izzy: By the way, author--
Dextrose: MindSpring.
Izzy: Springy, author's notes don't belong within the text.
Soon Captain Falcon
Dextrose: Who's funny no matter what he does--
began to guffaw.
Dextrose: Wow. Cap'n Pink just got lamer.
Marth said "Finally!"
Dextrose: He speaks Japanese.
parasols
Dextrose: There's only one.
"Sawwy, mester, 'bout you're tail,"
Izzy: Are you sure that's in English?
took his giant paw in her small hand
Dextrose: Ooh. Looks like Popo's got some competition!
Izzy: But Wolf?
Dextrose: Yeah, he's totally out of character... I'd imagine. I've never actually played StarFox, but I'd imagine, since he's the bad guy--
Izzy: Yeah we know, okay?
Chapter Two: Roommate Disappointment
Dextrose: Ohhh, man. I can tell this is gonna be good already.
Izzy: "I don't wanna sleep in the same room as Link!" Bowser whined.
Dextrose: Nana cried when she found out she was bunked in the same room as Popo.
Izzy: That's... disturbing.
Dextrose: I really hope they're adults. And, uh, not related. 'Cause that would make my jokes yuckier.
She loved doing this with people
Dextrose: Oooh.
she would be the first to admit that she was cheesy, but she loved it anyway.
Dextrose: She loves cheese, or she loves doing it with people?
Izzy: QUIET.
Wolf had put Nana down in the seat next to him
Dextrose: It's true. Goodbye, marriage vows!
Izzy: Assuming, of course, that Nana and Popo are adults and married.
Dextrose: Quiet we've been assuming that this whole time!
heave Popo
Izzy: Dextrose has NO COMMENT at this time.
Dextrose: -whimpers-
started playing Blackjack
Dextrose: Whoa. Ness is gambling.
Ganondorf
Dextrose: Dang it. I had a nice rule of three lined up and everything.
Snake said, "Well, I can't be in a movie.
Dextrose: COLD FEET
If I was, my enemies would know exactly who I am, where I am, and my fighting skills would be revealed!"
Dextrose: Like I said COLD FEET
high neckline
Dextrose: Aw, come on.
sleeves down to her wrists
Dextrose: Come on...
skirt down to her kness
Dextrose: That's almost kind of close. YOU FAIL, SPRINGY!
Chiarina
Dextrose: Because we just have to have original characters, don't we, Springson?
Izzy: I'm-a guess "CHEE-a-REE-na."
Dextrose: Awright! The roommate list is in!
Izzy: Oh no.
Dextrose: Wait a minute. Link and Zelda aren't in the same room?
Izzy: GOOD.
Dextrose: Who's Luigo?... Lucario, Pikachu, Jigglypuff?
Izzy: IT'S ACCEPTABLE. THEY'RE INCOMPATIBLE SPECIES, OKAY?
Dextrose: Caption Falcon, Ganondorf, and Snake all have the same room, apparently.
Izzy: Your point?
Dextrose: There's very-misspelled Cap'n Pink. This has got to be good.
Izzy: I like how it lists Nana and Popo as the same person. It's like that comic strip, Zits. Whoever those two person are. I think that's correct grammar, in this case.
Dextrose: Except Nana's leaving Popo for Wolf. I hope this becomes a soap opera.... Nobody likes Captain Pink.
Izzy: Care to explain /why/ he's Captain Pink?
Dextrose: Long story.
Chapter Three: An Sapphire Mystery
Dextrose: Why is all the worst spelling in the chapter titles?
bubbly caretaker
Dextrose: Ike likes April!
bowling alley
Dextrose: -dies-
Shepard's pie
Dextrose: -Google searches for a celebrity with that name-Matthew Shepard?
Izzy: Who's that?
Dextrose: I dunno; I closed the window. But it was his pie!
Izzy: Wait. Quiz is the wrong word.
Dextrose: Yeah. Pop quiz! What's your sister's name?
getting'
Dextrose: Having a little trouble with her accent, there?
Curious Glances
Dextrose: Oooh.
Had he found out his best friend's father had been assassinated and then his best friend was now the king (or queen) and the next target on the list of killers, he would have lost control of his sword.
Dextrose: Dang. I already used the shooting the sentence line.
Izzy: Let me see if I can work this out. Peach's dad died and she's now the queen and a killer? No, wait--
Dextrose: Oh, oh. Springson means that Peach's dad died so she's now the queen and therefore next on the killer's list.
Izzy: Good gravy, Springy.
"...she has to get that news [about her father's death] and then immediately face the press. They are going to eat that up and mark her out to be cruel and non-caring.
Dextrose:...Uh, how?
Izzy: Springy's throwing his or her philosophy of the paparazzi at us.
"Peach! How do you feel about Daisy becoming queen before you?"
Dextrose: Wait. What? I thought Peach was queen.
Izzy: Oh, it was /Peach's/ best friend whose dad died.
Dextrose: Dang it, Springson.
Popo clutched at Wolf
Dextrose: Wait. So now Nana and Popo are competing for Wolf?
Pillow Fights
Dextrose: Naked ones?
chocolate hair
Dextrose and Izzy: Delicious.
Dextrose: I'm kinda disappointed that the pillow fight is clothed, but at least it's by girls.
the girls were changed into their pajamas.
Dextrose: Poof! You're a pair of bunny slippers!
Izzy: You don't wear slippers in bed.
Dextrose: I don't even wear /that/ much.
Izzy: Um...
she said, bouncing slightly.
Dextrose: Jiggling with energy!
Izzy: Dex... ew.
"Oh, wow, it is so smooth!"
Izzy: Dextrose is not available for "that's what she said" jokes at this time.
very intense game of poker
Izzy: Intense card games?
Dextrose: Yu-Gi-Oh, maybe, but--what?
Izzy: Yu-Gi-Oh.
Dextrose: What?
"...She slept fight through your match.
Dextrose: What?
"Do you want me to break your face again?" he calmly.
Dextrose: What?
Izzy: Despite popular belief, calmly is not a verb.
Ganondorf touched him
Izzy: All right, that's it, Dex. I pick the excerpts from now on.
Dextrose: You'll have to fight me for it.
"What have you been doing, Captain? I hope it wasn't with that girl from the hallway?"
Dextrose: Eww! Ewwww!
Izzy: Dex, you've been making dirty jokes this whole time.
Dextrose: It's only okay when I do it.
Izzy: Anyways. This is kinda long; let's quit while we're ahead.
Dextrose: Whatevs. Another successful day of sporktasticness, yes?
Izzy: -headpalm- Don't make up words, Dex.

Sporking with Dex 'n' Izzy: Episode 2

Dextrose: So... I meant to do these weekly.

Izzy: You mean, small-muscles weakly, or--?

Dextrose: Once a week. Geez, Izz, it's spelled differently and everything.

Izzy: I can't see it.

Dextrose: Fine, whatever. Fanfiction.net time. -poses-

Izzy: You seem to have gained a lot of confidence since last time.

Dextrose: Lingering effects of brain bleach?

Izzy: Quite possibly.

Today we check out the Baten Kaitos fandom.

Today's episode of Sporking with Dex 'n' Izzy sponsored by:

crackedkatana, author of Back to Reality.

So this is what death feels like, Kalas reflected

Dextrose: Wow. They killed him first sentence.

The words GAME OVER flashed in his mind.

Dextrose: Hey, that happens to me, too.

Izzy: Uhh...

Dextrose: Dying's not that bad. As long as respawn times are short.

Izzy: Uhh...

"...You have been playing the virtual reality game Baten Kaitos for the last two years.

Dextrose: Wooow. I wish I could play video games two years straight.

Izzy: Ever heard of carpal tunnel?

looking as though she had melted into her chair

Dextrose: Yeah, that's what happened to me that time /I/ played video games for two months straight. But two years...?

Izzy: Uhh...

snug uniform

Dextrose: Oooh.

her legs stretched down

Dextrose: Ooooooh.

Izzy: -crying- Stop it, Dex!

scrubbed the back of his head

Izzy: -winces- Ouch.

the Great Mizuti

the Great Mizuti

Dextrose: But... but they didn't call him "the Great Mizuti" every stinkin' time. It was "Mizuti" every stinkin' time, as a matter of fact. The only one who called him that was himself. What--

Izzy: Yes it's inaccurate but it's not funny, okay?

Dextrose: Sorry.

blah blah everyone reacts to the shiny light.

Dextrose: -dies-

"So bright!" Xelha cried.

Dextrose: I HADN'T NOTICED. I only have one life left, guys. Seriously.

Izzy: Yeesh. Chapter Two should have been called "In Which Every Character Completely Changes Character."

Dextrose: You know, things're funnier if you make them more concise.

blah blah everyone picked up stuff.

Dextrose: UNICORN TURDS! Izzy, could you resurrect me?

Izzy: Get your own lives.

bluenette

Dextrose: Number one: blue hair is only natural in anime. Number two: I'm fairly certain you only want to put the "ette" on it if the subject is female.

growled

growled

growled

Dextrose: I think Kalas can also /say./

mishap with Kalas' zipper

Dextrose: --

Izzy: Don't. say. /anything./

blah blah everybody's dead.

Izzy: Okay, okay. I'll make it short and sweet. HEY AUTHOR! WHEN THERE ARE A LOT OF CHARACTERS, DON'T DESCRIBE EACH OF THEIR ACTIONS IN DETAIL!

Dextrose: I died while I was dead. That can't be good.

Izzy: And now, a paragraph describing how Melodia barfs.

"Of course I like you, darling. Mmm...

Dextrose: --

Izzy: NO COMMENT!

peels of laughter

Izzy: Yum.

Dextrose: I think they made Geldoblame gay.

"Good [crappin'] [Brian]."

Izzy: Does anyone really swear like that?

Dextrose: I don't know the first thing about swearing.

Izzy: Folon seems obsessed with the size of Geldoblame's butt.

Dextrose: He gay, too, then?

Izzy: What? No! I was just saying he only knows one insult.

fat[bottomus]

fat[bottomus]

"His [bottomus] is what's twice my size!"

Dextrose: See? He's gay.

Izzy: Never mind.

"Now, this is getting insulting!" Geldoblame bawled.

Dextrose: You just noticed?

A new excuse to shop had arisen, and soon enough Geldoblame planned to soon take full advantage of it.

Dextrose: Yeah he's gay.

Izzy: Fine, whatever.

Dextrose: Thus concludes another episode. I hope you enjoyed yourselves, and hope you'll tune in next week.

Izzy: Assuming there is one next week.

Dextrose: Shh.

Good ooold the bargain bin.

Yeah. So. I've begun to think that "bargain bin" is a misnomer. I mean, you wouldn't want to pay ten bucks for a pile of crap, would you? I didn't think so. (Kid in the back? Shut it.)

Three words: Rock 'n' Roll Adventures. (Unless that's four words.... Three and a half?)

Ugh. I don't know. Some people think that just because it's a platformer, they can sell it. Never mind if it has crappy controls, a repulsive protagonist, and no real challenge. If they do put challenge in, it's the frustrating kind that is in no way fun. Rock 'n' Roll Adventures fits all the criteria. Quite an accomplishment. Can I give negative urns?

Now, don't think that just 'cause it's in the bargain bin, it means it's bad. Also found in the bargain bin: Rubik's World. If you're into puzzle games, edutainment, and writing music, it's a fairly good game. (And everything's optional, so if you don't like one of the things I mentioned, you can avoid it.)

I thought it was pretty dumb at first, but then I found out the stuff you build in this one area shows up in other areas, and the music you write in a different area plays when you do various things... it's all so... wonderful. Magical. Okay, not really. But. One of the puzzle games works. The music thing is cool. There's even a thing that steps you through solving a Rubik's Cube, which is a good incentive to buy it if you find it in a bargain bin. Possibly even at full price, when you consider all the other cool stuff. But, unless you're really into puzzle games, it doesn't really satisfy. 3.5 urns out of 5.

And it came to pass that I taught my disciple--I mean, disciples--and lo, they did wax wise in the ways of the bargain bin.<sup>a

a</sup>GR: They came to the D'rose for advice.