VICTOLY!!

We are the champions, my friends! Dextrose Theguy has successfully typed 50,000 words of The Cracked Emerald! The journey was tough, filled with pitfalls, pitrises, pit traps, spike pit traps, pit stops, but, strangely enough, not elves. That's right, not a single elf appeared. Or dwarf. I only use cool races: Aqui, Aerians, humans, and, no matter how hard you try, you can never dispense with dragons. I took a vow never to have dwarves, elves, or orcs appear. I hate them so.

See, here's the deal: Orcs are there for the heroes to kill without any kind of moral issues, because orcs are Always Evil. Elves are there for appearing incredible, but, in retrospect, turning out to just be incredibly racist. Dwarves? I have no clue. Making weapons or something, I guess. In any case, they're all lame, and humans are way underrated.

Anyways, back to the celebration party. Guhh... I'd like to thank all the little people who didn't care when I left them out of my life to go work on my novel. Without you, I... actually wouldn't have moral problems about it, because there would be no one to ignore. Huh. Well, thanks for existing anyway. I'd like to thank Cassie, Patsy, Mort, Connor, Ivory, Byss, and the Queen of Reptiles for existing, too. Queen, I mourn your loss. Really. After you died, there was no driving force behind the novel. Mort, sorry for all the crap you have to go through all the time. I'm sure the Thirteenth Sandwich Christmas Special (not A Thirteenth Sandwich Christmas) will make it up. More crap, but you must be high on the Nice List. Patsy, you weren't as exciting a character as you usually are. I don't know what's going on there. Cassie! Thanks for providing your sarcasm when I really needed it. Connor. You turned out to be great for comic relief, but then you seemed to disappear. We'll have to work on that. Byss, sorry about killing off your mom. And sorry canon changed again and it's not the way making you and Connor more interesting characters. Stu, you weren't on the list, but you really helped my word count at the end. You gave me hope, and interest, and you can laugh for a really long time. Thanks so much.

Death count: one Queen of Reptiles, hundreds of innocent townspeople (noice job, Queen), one cockatrice.

Artifacts: The Stuhammer, the Emerald, the Sapphire, the Diamond, the Ruby.

Polymorphs: Ivory (lycanthropy: werejackal?) Mort (Morgan, Aqui, jabberwock, dragon) Cassie (weremermaid - seriously?)

Special thanks to NetHack, which provided inspiration for Ivory, Stu, and pretty much all the dungeon exploration. Also, special thanks to the jabberwock. Apparently, jabberwock is a species and there's more than one. At least, now it is. I hope that's not infringing any copyrights there.

Another final thanks to the Queen of Reptiles. May you rest in peace. Unfortunately, the law dictates that you go to hell. Fortunately, fire ain't gonna do much to a dragon. Also fortunately, a certain gatekeeper will set free anyone more badbutt than he is. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. You didn't hear it from me.

-sneaks away-