Sporking with Dex 'n Izzy: Episode... 5?

Dextrose Theguy: Yeah, I fired the knave in charge of keeping track of those numbers. Now, I simply keep a general-work-stuff knave.

Izzy: Dex, you never had anybody to do your stuff except me.

DT: You only speak when spoken to, knave!

I: Ohhh...

DT: No, no, I'm a joke. The journey to the ultimate spork is gonna need all of our, uh... combined effort stuff.

I: Statement about teamwork?

DT: Yeah. Oughta have you on my side, right?

I: You certainly don't want me against you.

DT: Oh, it's not like I couldn't--uh, finish the sentence.

I: /end menacing glare

DT: Anyways, today I found someone fulfilling all my wishes in a spork! Real, natural bad writing, flame threats...

I: What?

DT: Flame threats?

I: Yeah, uh, what?

DT: Oh... she says WARNING: Don't flame me.

I: This isn't flaming.

DT: No, of course not. And it's not like she'll ever track us down here.

I: We can hope.

DT: ...Aaand probably self-insert.

I: Shall we get this party started, then?

DT: Party? In /there?/

I: Oh. Right.

Today's episode of Sporking with Dex 'n Izzy is sponsored by:

-a brief pause, that our hosts may breathe clean air-

Souldragon12, author of The Legend of Zelda: Passage of Soul

SUMMARY:

A girl whose name is Zelda for no real reason poofs from our world into Hyrule, also for no real reason. Her mom is actually Latias. Yes, the Pokémon. This is the Twilight Princess Hyrule, so when she enters the twilight (or, in this case, "nether-light") she switches to her beast form, right? It's a fox. A white fox. With two tails, yet again for no real reason. She rescues Link and Midna from some souped-up Shadow Beasts, hurts herself a lot, and fights a bunch of bosses.

IN-DEPTH SPORK:

Disclaimer: I do not own The Legend of Zelda or Pokemon Mystery Dungeon

DT: Wait... what? I don't think I clicked on the crossover section.

I: Brian protect us.

DT: What? This is gonna be better than we thought. Or worse, and therefore accidentally funnier. Yes?

My name is Zelda Galesten.

I: Wow. Somebody call the creativity police.

DT: /I'm/ the law, remember?

I: Note the word "creativity."

DT: Oww...

As for looks, think Saria, only older and hotter with Malon's hair-style.

I: Ah, the classic--

DT: Hey, check me out! I got the copy-paste working!

I: What'd you do?

DT: I dunno.

I: It looks kinda crappy now, though.

DT: So? We're gonna save, like, /minutes/ of time!

I: Anyway, as I was saying, it's the classic I-look-like-a-celebrity-only-different.

DT: Strangely, I can't think what the heck that would look like. Oh, wait... No, nothing.

Virgina

DT: Wow. I feel sorry for the people who live there.

I: What?

DT: Well, if they live up to their name...

I: Wha--oh. Dex...

old myths and the super natrual

I: Seeing as I have no idea what /normal/ natrual is like...

so I'm suck at home...

DT: Tee hee hee hee. Ee hee hee hee!

...with nothing to do, except playing Twilight Princess and Pokemon.

DT: Lucky...

I: Dex, what about your job?

DT: I only need to slay dragons, like, once a week.

And no flames or smarty pants crap!

I: Why would one /want/ to crap one's smarty pants?

DT: Some people are babies...

I: Yes, but babies are incapable of being smart.

DT: That's true. Hey, and you can say that, 'cause it's not like we're gonna offend any babies.

I: And it's not like it's not a fact.

Disclaimer: You know I already said I own NOTHING!

DT: Oh, good. Is she gonna put one of these at the beginning of each chapter?

I: It would seem so.

DT: Doesn't your very /presence/ on Fanfiction.net imply you don't own your story?

I: Something like that. But I think it's even more overzealous lawyer defense. Can't be too safe from lawyers.

“ Ms Glasesten!”, my teacher... called.

DT: Oh, it's one of those names even your teacher can't pronounce.

Did I mention that NOBODY in my entire school likes me?

DT: Why am I not surprised?

Now I would problobly be know as ‘The girl who cried algebra’ in the year book...

DT: Hey, that's a good title. I want that title.

I: Uhh...

DT: Except it'll be the guy. Dextrose Theguy who cried algebra. Sha-wingg!

right on top of my repution as the biggest Pokemon and Legend of Zelda geek of all time.

DT: Dang! I want that title, too!

I: -facepalm-

[string of expletives]

DT: Number one: Why would I be carrying poop in the first place, and two: no matter how cute it is, why would I kiss it?

Take This Quiz: What Do You Smell Like to Edward Cullen?

I: Say what?

DT: Tee hee hee.

I: Oh. Dex, that's an ad banner.

DT: It's still hilarious.

NOTE: I might switch from first to third so bear with me

DT: What? First to third what? Third base?

I: Eww, no. Third person.

DT: Say what?

I: First person is from the character's eyes, third means you follow the character.

DT: Oh, like first-person shooters! This is gonna be good!

I: Wha--no, not like--argh. Excuse my edutainment.

Vicky left me alone after I told her that the next time she’d put on her uniform, it would be two sizes too small.

DT: I'm sure this is naughty, but I can't figure out what it is.

Well, this is the part where I’d get sucked into the TP world.

I: Oh yeah SPOILERS

DT: You don't put spoilers inside the story.

I: I think she tried foreshadowing.

DT: Uh, Souldragon? NOO GOOD!

black Ninendo GameCube

DT: Oh no, I must be emo.

I: Dex, lots of people have black GameCubes. Besides, it's already been established she's a nerd/geek.

I heard phone the ring.

DT: And I cried out, "Where my hat is at?"

I lost my gaming sprit.

DT: Blasphemy!

So, I got my sorry [bottomus] up and turned it off.

DT: Why was it on in the first place? And what, exactly, does that mean?

I: Oh, it's Pet Peeve #88: Dreams and flashbacks in italics for no real reason.

DT: Actually, I think that's--

I: I don't care if it's right! I hate it!

"...thou shall meet ye destiny…..”

DT: Check me out. Normally I put excerpts in italics, but it was already in italics, so now it's in /not/ italics!

I: -pushes him out of the way- Pet Peeve #89: people who try to speak Olde Tyme English and don't know how.

DT: Oh, come on, Izz. Ye belongs in every Olde Tyme sentence.

I: Pet Peeve #90: People who think /that./

DT: Ohh...

DT: Ah, man. I was hoping for some mystical, uh... something. Y'know, reasons to suddenly find Zelly in an alternate universe other than "It is your destiny." Or "ye destiny," in this case.

“ Most of the time when we think we are alone, we are really not. Why would we feel alone when we are surrounded by the ones we truly care about?”

I: Ah, the obligatory spirit, god, or dragon with sage-type advice.

DT: Except her parents /weren't/ around. Thanks a lot, Ordona.

Six Elements

I: I can see we're not talking about the Periodic Table here, but I can only think of four.

DT: Fire, water, earth, wind, dark, light.

I: Wha--

DT: She shoulda made it eight and thrown in, like, moon and wood or something. Also, she should split earth into ground, grass, and rock, add steel--

I: Ahem.

Nerther-light

I: Sounds like a combination of northern and nether.

DT: Aurora of DOOM.

I: Dex, I don't think you even know what nether means.

DT: Well... not as such, but it's one of those words, you know? Secret, legend, tale...

I: Ah. Stock fantasy words.

DT: Yes.

There was a flash of liquid gold light.

DT: Oh. That sounds... tasty?

I knew how to read Unown.

DT: Oh, wow. Once again, I am jealous.

“ Oh gate that block my entery……"

DT: "/WHAT??/" said the gate.

“ OH HOLY MOTHER OF SH-!”

DT: By all means, finish your expletive. The one that comes to mind makes no sense, so let's hear yours.

I: Wouldn't any female who poops be one of those? Just not a holy one?

DT: I was thinking more along the lines of some kind of title in a religion centered around poop.

“ I’d wish could get across this fog…..”

DT: "Who the [helm] is I'd Wish?" Zelly cried.

Then, the twilight runes on my body turned from bronze, to green and they started to glow the same color.

DT: Wait... didn't you just... never mind.

“……..Did…….. Did I do this? …….."

DT: -drowns-

I: Good gravy! You only need three!

DT: Lives remaining: 2.

The wolf turned his head and gave me a wet lick on my face.

DT: Aw, come on. Why does everybody have to make Link an utter moron?

DT: I wonder when the whole Unown thing is gonna come into play.

“ HACK! HACK!"

I: I should probably mention that she was supposed to be choking, not saying hack.

“ Link, is that a fox with two tails?” she asked.

DT: Did she say anything about Sonic the Hedgehog in her disclaimers?

I: No, Zelly's the fox. Remember? The white dual-tailed fox?

DT: ...Yes?

I: What's so great about foxes?

DT: Especially ones with multiple tails?

“ I think so. But what’s she doing in a place like this?”

DT: Yeah. Seriously. Go find Sonic, you twit!

“ Of course I can see you, I not dumb!”

DT: "I beg to differ," Midna mumbled.

before I forget this whole chapt was recreated by Envoyshadow who really hepled me out.

DT: Oof. Good thing I didn't see it /before./

Link flustered a bit and did the anime fall on his face.

I: Dex?

DT: I'm fairly certain she didn't mean anime, and even if she did, I'm not a Japanese-culture-type nerd!

I: Just regular type?

DT: No, gamernerd.

Right now I had two choices, I could die right then and there, or I could howl for help. I decided it was best to howl.

DT: O.O You're a genius!

“ Well, I think you owe us now little fox,” said Midna smugly with her crooked smile.

DT: Uh, no she doesn't. She just rescued you guys. That means there is no debt, right?

“ YOU HAVE COME TO CHALLNAGE ME TO THE DEATH?!”

DT: No, not as such, but...

“ Yes. We have come to fight to the death!”

DT: What?

“ ...IF YOU SCUCCEED IN SUCH A DEED, WHAT IS YOUR REQUEST!?"

DT: /What?/

“ If we win, Faron, then you must let me heal your Light Soul, and allow me to lift this Nether-light,” Zelly barked

DT: Okay, so they're planning on killing him, and then healing his soul?

I: Fat lot of good that's gonna do.

DT: Ooh! Does that mean they get a Faron mask?

I: What?

Of course my complaints were ignored by the corrupted Spirit as he made his entrance by basting the tainted, smelly water all over the da[r]ned place.

I: I'm pretty sure basting is--

DT: Pouring juices on stuff while cooking to keep it moist.

I: ...some... kinda cooking thing. Why the heck do you--

DT: NO REASON!

AWESOME AS HEL[M]!!!

I: I personally see that place as the opposite of awesome.

The thing was going to choke the life out of her if someone doesn't do something!

I: That's when, without warning, I switched to the present tense!

“ Hyrule was once known as a place where the creatures known as the Pokemon lived."

DT: Oh holy Brian. Knave, copy-paste this whole story.

I: My name is Isabel, and we'd never get away with that.

Zelda, you are Latias’ chosen descendent.”

DT: Discussion time! I don't think legendaries reproduce, and if they did, how the heck would a descendant be human?

I: Well, when a man and a--

DT: That's not what I meant! I-- Hey, I think... that makes sense, but eww.

First of all, I end up in the Zelda universe and find out that Pokemon are real....or I think their real.

DT: Because I /knew/ Zelda was real.

“ So I’m Latias’ descendent? But how?” I questioned.

DT: That's what I'd like to know.

“ It is not my place to tell you."

DT: Oh, come /on!/

ginned crookedly

I: Had a bit too much to drink there?

Then the twilight runes on Zelly started to shimmer in liquid gold.

DT: Oh no! She's melting!

“That’s a red fox, you Deku Stick,"

DT: You gotta hand it to her, that's a pretty good insult.

I: Shut up, Deku Stick. Oh yeah, that feels really good.

Link and I had to our best to avoid them lest we want to both in up in Hyrule castle.

I: WHAT.

"I'm well aware of that Link. But I have to. My life is really nothing in the battle to free Hyrule of corruption and sorrow," she whined softly. My mouth dropped. Did she just say something wise?

DT: Not really.

I: Wasn't she, like, the key to saving Hyrule and all that?

curved piece of brown crap

I: All crap is brown.

DT: 'Cept for the green ones. And the occasional corny--

I: Shut up, Deku Stick! Whoo!

DT: Am I allowed to facepalm? Or is that your job?

I: You didn't just do something stupid.

DT: I--never mind.

"Yeah. I'm OK, thanks for the save." she said. Link smiled. "No problem. Call it even for saving our butts from that cage back in Faron Woods."

DT: If you were to ask me, you've /been/ even.

"It was the girl blessed with her mother's Soul Force."

DT: Whoa, whoa! So now Latisomething is her /mom?/

I: That's /way/ different than ancient ancestor. I've no clue how her genes got the way they are, but I'm gonna guess she's sterile.

DT: Oh. Says Latias "took on the form of a human."

I: That might almost work, except for the fact that--

DT: Shut up, you Deku Stick! Yess!

Eldin-Sama

DT: Oh, great. Zelly's getting all Japanese culture on us.

-they abscond-