Credits: Everything was my idea. And Izzy's, but she doesn't actually exist.
No, no. Story credits: Oh yeah. This week's episode was brought to you by:
Glacial Eidolon, famed (or not) writer of Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: The Black Fear.
Izzy: Since nobody actually sent us something to spork (not like we can expect them to), we're gonna have to go to Fanfiction.net... on our own.
Dextrose: -shudders. but in a manly way.-
Izzy: Ready to go?
Dextrose: Erm, let me gather up some lances first...
-several minutes later-
Izzy: Here it is. The fabled Fanfiction.net. A land of--
Dextrose: Yeah, I know. Let's just get it over with.
-they enter-
Dextrose: So, uh, let's stick to a genre I know. Games fan fiction. -examines categories- Wow. I didn't know people made fan fiction about this stuff. Army Men? Bubble Bobble?
Izzy: I saw a Bill Nye the Science Guy one once.
Dextrose: You're kidding.
Izzy: I wish.
Dextrose: -more manly shuddering- Oh my freaking Brian. Tetris.
Izzy: Zoombinis?
Dextrose: LET'S GET OUT OF HERE! Pick one and go!
Izzy: Pokémon! That looks relatively safe.
Dextrose: Oh my. How about not? Let's do a Pong one...
Izzy: You know what? Too freaking late. Got your Sporktastic Lance ready?
Dextrose: Yeah, okay. Got the brain bleach and Cure Disease +3 ready?
Izzy: Check and check. Here we go.
Dextrose: -holds breath-
Izzy: Random story... Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: The Black Fear.
Dextrose: Probably not a misnomer.
Izzy: Calm down, Dex. Maybe you should start being as manly as you always claim.
Dextrose: Or... lizard-manly.
Izzy: Whatever. "'Watch it, scum!' A tiny purple rat with--"
Dextrose: Ratatta?
Izzy: Yeah, I guess... "blah blah larger gray bipedal weasel--"
Dextrose: Furret!
Izzy: Linoone?
blah blah key distinguishing features: one of her ears was red and and slightly larger than the other...
Dextrose: Oh, it's that one thing. What's it called?
Izzy: Sneasel?
Dextrose: Yeah. No. Not was I was thinking of. It was... you know, um... Zangoose.
blah blah Sneasel...
Izzy: Aww yeah! Score one for the Izz.
malicious thoughts... unrestrained rage... mind blinded in rage...
Dextrose: Ooh. The Sneasel is an angstmaster.
Izzy: Angstmaster?
Dextrose: You can leave the mastery comments to me, thanks.
[PURPLE PROSE]
Dextrose: -drowns-
Her destination? She did not know. She was a Decivilizer: a term associated with outcast criminals
Dextrose: Really? Outcast criminals? I let /my/ criminals run around free.
serving time of banishment from villages.... Decivilizers were often nefarious pickpockets and murderers who bore ill will towards society
Izzy: Oh, good. And I suspect I'm supposed to sympathize with her?
Dextrose: Whoa, whoa. Murderers?
Izzy: It's certainly a dark world of Pokémon you've created.
Dextrose: Don't they just, like, poof back to town if they die?
Izzy: Be quiet; we might miss something good to spork.
She may have been a criminal, but she still had morals.
Dextrose and Izzy: Riiiiight.
"Let we of the Heart of Arceus pray to our god for the wellbeing of ourselves and our children... let we of the Heart pray to Arceus to stop this era and restore prosperity...
Izzy: And now, Pokémon religion.
Dextrose: -manly giggles-
A young Mareep,
Dextrose: Yaaay!
...couldn't comprehend why, of all things, Arceus had ignored her prayer and everyone else's.
Dextrose: Try praying to me -poses-
Izzy: Blasphemy, Dex. Sit down.
"Get over here, we've got some [Briandarned] Aggron on our [bottomuses]!"
Izzy: And now, Pokémon swearing.
Dextrose: I love how the author goes into such detail over... Pokémon... details. Okay actually I don't, but you know what I mean.
a huge red exoskeleton
Dextrose: He he he... that phrase just cracks me up for some reason.
Izzy: If you were to ask me, there's no time for purple prose in a fight scene.
yelling colorful swears as he did so.
Dextrose: Oh, goldenrod!
thick armored skull was pounded into a pulp
Izzy: Pokékilling... just seems wrong.
Dextrose: Poképrophecies aren't exactly wrong, but... dang it, stupid copy-paste! -mutters-
her eyes were among the best she'd seen
Dextrose: She looks at her eyes?
copper-colored orbs
Dextrose: Oh my freaking Brian. They're /eyes,/ okay?
incredulous nature of the situation soak into her cranium.
Dextrose: Drip... drip... drip...
pale red fur... bright red fur...
Izzy: Geez, make up your mind!
"My... my... my... my... my... my... my... my... my..."
Izzy: Looks like somebody's keeping up with a word count.
skewering the small rodent's body in one fell swoop.
Dextrose: -cries- More Pokékilling! Waah!
Authors Note: Nothing much happened... besides fluff
Dextrose: Well, now the truth comes out, doesn't it?
Izzy: Here comes another Pokémon! Let's try to figure it out.
five-foot tall purple Promethean hulk of pure muscle, his very body embodying the essence of fitness
Dextrose: I vote Machoke.
Izzy: Probably...
rabbit-like, impressively sized ears
Dextrose: Huh? Rabbit of muscle?
Izzy: I don't got a clue.
Dextrose: Horn... spikes... pearl-white chest... Giant muscular Ratatta? With, uh... spikes?
Izzy: Or maybe...
Nidoking
Izzy: Awright! Two points!
Dextrose: No way. You didn't say before.
Izzy: Hey, I think it has a Scottish accent.
Dextrose: Heh.
"Verawen."
Dextrose: A-ha! So they /do/ have names!
Izzy: vu-RAY-win? ve-ruh-win?
Dextrose: Let it go, Izz.
"Name's Fjalburin."
Izzy: I'm not even gonna /try/ that one.
Dextrose: Okay, making up for the lack of copy-paste. Verawen's the Sneasel. She's teaming up with a dude named Epsilor.
Izzy: I was all intrigued.
Dextrose: And it's a freaking Bronzor.
Izzy: Hey, another character.
yellow-and-cream colored bipedal shrew
Dextrose and Izzy: Sandshrew.
Sandshrew
Dextrose: So, what do you think? Do we each get a point or neither of us?
Izzy: Whatever.
Dextrose: And it's named Griva.
Izzy: GREE-vuh? Gree-vaaaaaaaaaaa!
Dextrose: ...
he was winking at herself
Dextrose: Um... Izzy, fetch the Big Book o' Grammar.
Izzy: How about I get you an underling to do your dirty work?
Dextrose: No, no, my dirty work is washing dishes.
the Sneasel's heads
Izzy: And now, Pokémutants.
Dextrose: So they're called Team Nemesis? Who let them have that name?
Izzy: Would it be the Nidoking with the unpronounceable name?
Dextrose: I guess... but that's not the point. I'm making fun, Izzy. Not logic crap.
Izzy: Fine, fine.
Dextrose: So should I worry about the "not using the story or characters without permission"?
Izzy: Uhh...
Dextrose: Oh, wait. We're obscure enough to get away with sporking.
Izzy: We can hope.
Dextrose: Okay, next chapter. Braindead Vulpix's point of view, apparently.
Izzy: Can we find a more blatantly bad fanfiction next time?
Dextrose: Quiet, I'll miss something.
Izzy: Just the purple-prosation of the same room for a second time.
Dextrose: SSH!
ovoid
Dextrose: No comment.
"Xochicalco," I half-lied.
Izzy: I'm not even gonna touch that one.
Dextrose: What the helm. Witty comment about how that name /better/ be a lie.
furor
Dextrose: No comment.
"Yer mouth spews [poop] as well as your [bottomus]!"
Izzy: You barfed up your butt?
"woot ya did was completely unacceptable."
Dextrose: I thought he was speaking in chatspeak for a second there.
blah blah blah end of chapter 4.
Dextrose: That's all, is it?
Izzy: Apparently so.
Dextrose: Good. -shudders-
Izzy: Shall we abscond, then?
Dextrose: -checks wrist sundial- Either it's bedtime or I'm at the wrong angle again.
Izzy: So I noticed that last shudder wasn't "manly."
Dextrose: What?
Absolutely wonderful. I am muchly amused.
ReplyDeleteNotice - check out how they do it on Deleterious and Pottersues - they don't post the entire story, and they attribute it and link back to the author. That'll keep you from getting in trouble.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHee hee. I removed my own post.
ReplyDeleteDone and done.
Glacial Eidolon here. This is actually a rather fun read, to say the least. You -did- pick out some things I said that were... rather off, to say the least. Your vigilance is noted.
ReplyDeleteSome of the things you pointed out were going to be noted later in the story (unfortunately, due to writer's block, I had to cancel it), or at least elaborated on as to why they were happening. Unfortunately that didn't happen.
There was a fair bit of typos in my work, yes; but on whose works do they not appear? I'll tell you right now, it's quite hard to scan a six-thousand word document for spelling errors. :P (Which is rather amusing, as when I was typing this, I exchanged "word" for "page.")
And yes, I am aware that some of my writing is questionable. I work to try to alternate that and make it better. Because in the end, that's what we're all here to do; better ourselves.
One thing I'll note you on, however; your commentary could possibly be double-spaced. It mildly irritated my eyes to try to discern the breaks between speech instantaneously, even if they were correctly noted.
One thing I'll note you on: yes, my fanfiction could be considered by some to be "bad," and that is completely up to personal opinion. I won't become angry at you for it (even though the blog title, Smitetastic, speaks that I should :P), but I will accept that not everyone will like my story. And I thank you for rounding out an opinion of this story. It is -always- good to look at the big picture.
And please keep in mind my story is rated "T." Thus, it will have more questionable and less kid-friendly material than, say, a K+ rated story (but I'm sure you knew that already)... and thus, more violence. Is that a bad thing? To some people, definitely. To others, no.
Once again, it's all up to personal opinion here. You may hate it, others not... but I will note your criticism, constructive or otherwise, and seek to better myself with it.
I'll take this brief visit's end and say that I thank readers for sticking through the good times and the... not so good times. :P
Thank you for your pains.
Of course, reading the following blog articles I can't help but add on that this seems to be working under the logic of Straw Men: that is, attacking only an opponent's weak points without looking at anything else.
ReplyDeleteAnd, sadly, that's what your entire logic chain here is based around. If you want to be a good comedian, well... variety is the spice of life. I'd suggest actually finding out ways to debunk my other arguments (which, by the by, is very possible).
Looking forward, I can only see this Straw Man ideology multiply. So there; that's my thoughts on your writing.
And looking back at even this, much of the commentary isn't even about the story, just about guessing on which species a Pokémon is... is that really even attacking the story? I don't know... :(
I also did some research on the purple prose you so hate. The consensus: it's a love it or hate it issue. I love it, you hate it; and thus we'll agree to disagree.
Still, though... you may have a point. My (tentative) final climax involved a giant crimson tuna-like creature coming around and breaking the fourth wall by slapping around the readers with its tail... bonus points if you can guess which tuna-like creature that is. :P
DT: Tuna...?
ReplyDeleteIM: The only fish I can come up with is Magikarp.
DT: But that's not red. Let's try legendaries.
IM: Groudon's red, but not a fish.
DT: Red fish... Hey! What about the red Gyarados?
IM: That's not a fish; it's a sea serpent.
DT: Poop. Well, I got nothin'.
IM: Let's take a look at the Pokédex I completed.
DT: You gotta be kidding me. No mortal can complete the Pokédex.
IM: We also have to take into account the shiny colors.
DT: Oh my grash. This is gonna take all night.
IM: Quit whining.
-some time passes-
DT: Does Seaking count?
IM: Doubtful. Get back in there.
DT: Magikarp?
IM: It's already been established that that's orange. Plus it's weaksauce and is thus unworthy of being a climax.
-much more time passes-
DT: Yeah, I got nothing.
IM: Shinies, then?
DT: NO.
IM: Hey, what if it's not a Pokémon?
DT: Fine. Can you think of a non-Pokémon killer tuna?
IM: No, but does it have to be a killer tuna?
DT: It's a climax, okay? I suspect the climax would be exciting, and non-killers are hard-pressed to be climaxes. Unless it's a romantic comedy or something, and I was not getting romantic comedy vibes from this story.
Hola! I've been following your blog for some time now and finally got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout out from Humble Texas! Just wanted to tell you keep up the good work!
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