Disclaimer: Apparently, I gotta put these disclaimer guys here. In any case, I don't own Pokémon, Nintendo, Game Freak, or any of the dudes who created the universe that we happened to land in. While it did actually happen, this is a work of fiction. (It's complicated; can you not ask?) Any resemblance to actual human beings is
Chapter One: In Which Stuff Starts Happening.
Another exhilarating trip with the Massive Reality Editor. You know the kind. Where you fly through blue space screaming until you pass out and wake up later, sore and wondering where you are. Leave it to Flux to build a cliché.
Flux was the first one awake. I started guessing something was amiss when she seemed angry about her invention working properly. I tried to pretend I was still unconscious, but she caught me giggling.
"You are a poor actor, McCoopington. I know that you're awake."
"Oh, fine." For no real reason, I kept my eyes closed as I pushed myself to my feet. Perhaps I thought it might serve the plot in some way. But I digress. Something... felt wrong. Opening my eyes, I saw the ground was awfully close, even while I was standing. And Flux... still seemed to be...
"You screwed something up. I'm still a Pokey... whatsit."
Seeing a Kirlia this angry was pretty funny. Forcing more giggles down, I replied, "Why are you so sure it's not your invention that's screwy?"
A Kirlia rolling her eyes was kind of funny, too. But I guess you had to be there. "I already ran a diagnostic. Everything is in order. The only thing that could possibly have gone wrong is you, McCoopington. This is your fault."
Perhaps an explanation is in order. See, my friend Danny and I were bored once. And so we did what any pair of bored guys would do. After playing Super Smash Brothers. Mess with Flux's stuff. Maybe next time, I won't grab the most important- and complicated-looking thing I can find. As Flux later explained, it was used to keep balance in the universes by keeping worlds in different dimensions separate. Or something like that. It's really boring, paying attention to Flux. Anyways, I managed to combine our world with whatever world Pokémon happens in. And then the Massive Reality Editor broke. Eventually, Danny, who had become a Bulbasaur, inadvertently led Flux to me and she fixed it. I don't know what happened, but it couldn't be my fault.
"And, look, you killed the human!" Flux was saying, even though right now he was technically a Bulbasaur. I would have argued this point had Danny not interrupted.
"Guys... I'm fine," he muttered, eyes still squeezed shut. By now, he'd gotten used to Flux referring to him as "the human." An explanation would be in order, but I'm tired of that crap by now.
I was a little relieved he was awake. Another debater on my side. "Danny, could you tell her she's an idiot?"
He looked at me, at Flux, then back at me. "Let me guess," he said, eyes narrowing, "You messed with the Massive Reality Editor."
Fine. He could take Flux's side if he wanted to. She continued to argue her points, and I took the opportunity to make scenery descriptions. We were on a beach. The crashing waves were a pretty good help drowning out Flux, thank goodness. Bubbles filled the air for some reason. Over to my left, I could see some kind of cave, and next to it, an unconscious Eevee. I thought about this development as I watched a Torchic stare at the sunset. Might as well check it out, huh?
Danny apparently had the same idea, as he was already there, a look of... some emotion on his face. I couldn't tell. He looked a little confused or curious or something. It didn't help that his face wasn't really human anymore. He hadn't woken the guy or anything; he was too busy staring. I gave Danny a look, and woke the Eevee myself. "Hey," I said, shaking him, "Are you all right?"
He groaned and dizzily staggered to his feet. Blinking slowly as he stared at me, he said, "But... you're a Pikachu."
"Am I?" I looked down at myself. It certainly looked like it from here. Strange I hadn't noticed yet. "That's weird."
The Eevee looked like he was trying to put together the pieces. "So... so... how are you talking to me? Shouldn't you be saying, like, 'Pikachu?'"
I shrugged. "'Pikachu,' if it makes you happy."
"Uh... so suddenly you're capable of human speech?"
"Why would I need to be? You're an Eevee."
This was getting increasingly common, being slow to notice transformations. "I... was a human," he said after getting a good look at himself.
"Yeah, that's kind of funny. Danny and I were--" I meant to indicate Danny, but he was gone. Replaced by Flux. She clapped a hand over my mouth, uttering, "Don't... tell him... anything."
"What's going on here?" the Eevee said slowly.
I pushed Flux's hand off. "I might ask the same question. Patsy," I said, extending my own hand. Or... paw.
"Kard," he said, shaking it. "So... what is..."
That's when Danny came rushing back, running awkwardly with his two new legs. "Guys,
Torchic needs our help," he said hurriedly.
"Whoa, slow down," I said. "I'm trying to process a little too much stuff here."
Torchic opened her mouth, but Danny talked first. "That can wait," he said. "Those dudes are getting away with Torchic's stuff!"
"What dudes?"
Danny, unused to four legs, slapped his forehead and fell on his face. "You didn't just see the Koffing and Zubat go past?"
"...No?"
Infuriated by my cluelessness and probably his lack of balance, he started yelling. "This is urgent, okay? Let's move it!"
"Introductions all around?"
Danny let out an exasperated sigh. "Danny."
"Flux."
"Patsy."
"Torchic."
"Kard."
Torchic spoke for the first time. Well, besides the introduction. "Okay, let's go!"
"Let's do this!" I said, striking a pose. The rest of them stared. Weirdos.
Danny shook his head. He gave up and ran towards the cave, Torchic following close behind.
I looked at Kard, and we ran after them. Not about to be left alone, Flux sighed, unfolded her arms, and ran after us.
Something happened that can only be described as KA-PWING!
We all fell in a pile, bouncing off some invisible wall in front of the cave entrance. After we all climbed off of him, Danny looked thoughtful. Probably. "That's right," he coughed. "We can't have more than four in a team."
It was Danny's turn to have everyone stare at him. Except Torchic, for some reason. "What the crap are you talking about?" I asked.
He opened his mouth to explain, and thought better of it. "I'll tell you later. Right now, we have to decide who's staying behind."
There was silence for a few moments. "I'll stay," Torchic muttered, looking down at the ground.
Danny panicked. "No way. I will if it--"
Flux shrugged. "I'll stay. It isn't as if I--"
"But your psychic moves will come in handy," I argued. "We are fighting a couple of Poison-types."
"What are you talking about?" This was a common question today.
"Don't think she knows much about Pokémon, Patsy," Danny said.
I thought about it. "Probably wouldn't fight anyway. Okay, Flux, have fun waiting."
Folding her arms again, she leaned against the side of the cave entrance. "I expect a full--"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," I said. "Now let's do this!" I struck my pose again, and dashed into the cave. The rest followed behind.
* * *
The trip was pretty uneventful. While Danny and the others tried to figure out how to get the vines out of his bulb thingy, I went ahead and knocked out any other Pokémon I found. It was kind of fun. You know, doing it firsthand and everything. Yeah. Um. So we moved on for a while, going deeper and deeper into the cave. And, um, I guess my travel scenes always seem that awkward.
Danny got a little mad at me for "taking all the kills," as we say, once he figured out his vine predicament. "If I beat you to 'em," I argued, "It's fair."
He said nothing. I bet he was vowing silently to beat me to some.
That, or he saw the boss before I did.
Bosses.
Koffing turned around. "Well, if it isn't the little chicken."
Tears sprang to Torchic's eyes, and she took a step back. I guess I'm a little insensitive. I started chuckling. "That's a funny way of putting it," I said. "Torchic a chicken. You know?"
Slaps came from all directions. "This is why you've never been on a date," Danny muttered in my ear.
I probably didn't have a right to, but I glared at them.
Torchic gathered up her courage. "G-give... give back what you stole from me! The Relic Fragment means everything to me!"
Koffing turned to Zubat. "So this thing really is worth something."
"Heh-heh. Maybe we can make some good money off of it."
Koffing turned back to us, a smirk on his face. "If you really want it," he said, "come and get it!"
I instinctively struck a pose again, screaming "BOSS FIIIIGHT!!"
Danny gave me some sage advice. "Shut up."
We sprung into action. Danny did a pretty lame Vine Whip on Koffing, knocking him in my direction. I jumped up, pumped some electricity through my body, and smashed him into the ground with my tail. Zubat was being a little difficult, staying just out of Kard's reach and using Leech Life or something on him. I sent a Shock Wave in his direction, and Kard finally managed to tackle him. Before I could be the awesome action hero anymore, though, he and Torchic beat the remaining snot out of him.
"That should do it," I said, dusting off my paws.
Danny was pretty mad at me again. "So it takes me, like, twenty minutes just to find my vine, and you do whatever you want without trying? And I'm the Pokémon expert and everything!"
I chuckled. "Well, we all knew I'm infinitely more awesome than you."
"Hmph," he said, and didn't say anything else.
"Got it," Torchic said, picking up a stone with one foot. "Boy, am I relieved." She stored it somewhere on her person somehow.
"Shall we go, then?" I said. "Explain stories?"
"Right, let's go," Torchic said.
To avoid another travel scene, we arrived at the beach. Before Flux said anything, Torchic did. "Thanks so much, you guys. I don't know what I'd do without you. Oh, and Patsy," she added, turning to me, "you're a jerk."
"What?"
"So..." Torchic looked all around, shifting her weight from foot to foot. "I was wondering, I--it's always been my dream to... to.... That was exciting, wasn't it?"
Kard took charge. "Yeah...? What are you getting at?"
"I... I... look, I..."
"You want to form an exploration team?" Danny said suddenly.
"Yes," Torchic said timidly.
"I... well... I guess I have nowhere to go..." Kard said.
I was ready to listen in some more, but Flux pulled me and Danny aside. "You are not going to get mixed up in this," she said.
"What else can we do?" Danny said. "I mean, she can offer a place to sleep and everything. It's a start."
"We're talking about a long-term commitment here. We do not have time. We need to--"
"Honestly," I interrupted, "If it's so urgent we get back, why don't you Massive Reality Edit us there?"
"Did I not explain, Patsy?" Flux said. "That would mean combining this world with our own again. It's already doubtless unstable from the last time; if we try it again, it could destroy the entire universe."
"Well, it's that or Palkia," Danny said.
"Or what?"
"Palkia. The master of space. If anyone can get us back, he can."
Flux gave up. "All right, fine. How do we find this Palkia?"
Danny thought for a moment. "I think he kidnaps us in several months."
I felt something nudging me. It turned out to be Torchic. "So, um, guys?" she said. "A-are you interested?"
"Say yes. This is gonna be awesome," Danny whispered.
"Let's do this," I said. Danny saluted.
Flux threw her hands in the air. "Fine! Whatever you want." I almost felt a little remorse when I saw she was holding back tears. But, you know, she was learning a good lesson. I guess.
Torchic grinned. "All right, let's get started! To Wigglytuff's Guild!" She started leading the way.
"So," I said under my breath, sneaking over to Danny, "Did you hear what they were saying over there?"
"No, but Kard was probably saying how he used to be a human and lost his memory for some reason, and Torchic was getting all dreamy about exploring, and explaining about her Relic Fragment, the rock with the weird design. She doesn't know what it does, but it--"
"Wait, you didn't hear, and yet you know all that? What--?" I asked, but events kept me from getting an answer. We arrived in front of a strangely Wigglytuff-shaped building with some kind of grate in front.
"Here we are," Torchic said. She had a look on her face, a look that said if she had a lip, she would be biting it. "Okay, I've got to be brave," she said. "I've got all my friends with me this time." She stepped hesitantly onto the grate.
"Pokémon detected!" shouted a high-pitched voice.
"Whose footprint?" said a much louder one.
"Er... Torchic's! The footprint is Torchic's!"
Over the noise, I could hear Torchic whimpering. It was kind of odd. I mean, it didn't seem scary or anything... not to me...
"I can tell there's more of you," the louder voice yelled, "So stand on the GRATE!"
One by one, we each went through the process. It took far too long. When Flux was finished, we were finally allowed in. "That was dumb," Patsy muttered.
"Hush. It might be important later on. I forget," Danny said.
"Which reminds me. How do--"
We had climbed down a ladder to the first underground floor, where a bird with a music-note-shaped head was hopping up to us. Noting my confusion, Danny informed me, "Chatot."
"Go away," he was saying in a tired tone, "We don't have any time for salespeople or silly surveys."
The previous grate incident must have had her adrenaline going, because Torchic was really talkative. "No! That's not why we're here! We want to become an exploration team!"
Chatot squawked in surprise. He turned around to talk to himself. "Now tell me?" I started to say, but to no avail. Before Danny could answer, we were rushed down another floor.
Danny was finally ready to explain. "Flux, I guess I oughta tell you too. Watch this. Torchic's gonna say something about how we just went underground and we can see out the window."
"We can?" I said, looking at the window I suddenly found. "That's weird."
"Whoa!" said Torchic, dashing up to the window. "We're underground, but you can still see outside!"
"And now Chatot says, 'Oh, hush now! The guild is built into the side of a cliff! It's only natural you'd be able to see outside!'"
He did.
Flux stared in wonderment. "Are you... perhaps... not human, then?"
"Well, not anymore," Danny laughed. "I don't have super powers, if that's what you mean. I've just... I guess we've fallen into a game that I've played two or three times."
Flux drew in a breath. It looked like she was trying to sort things out so she could explain something, but once again we were interrupted. We were pushed into the Guildmaster's room.
"Guildmaster! Guildmaster?" Chatot said to a Wigglytuff facing away from us. Wigglytuff didn't respond, until suddenly, without warning, he whirled around. "Hiya!"
Kard jumped.
"You want to form an exploration team? Well, good for you! Let's get you signed up! What's your--"
"If I may interrupt," Chatot said. "Guildmaster, a team of more than four cannot enter a Mystery Dungeon. This team is too large."
Wigglytuff's parade was severely rained upon. In fact, it looked like a hurricane hit.
"I've got a solution," Danny volunteered. "We make two divisions. We can't all five go in at once, but I bet if we split into smaller groups before entering, we could meet up inside or--no, wait, that wouldn't work. But we can form two divisions."
Chatot opened his beak to argue, but my suggestion was entirely logical. He shut it.
Everyone in the parade had an umbrella. "Let's get you signed up! What's your team name?"
"A name?" Torchic said. "Er, we don't really--give us a second." She turned to face the rest of us. "Any ideas?"
Danny's vine, which he seemed to be using as a hand for these things, shot up. "I vote SmiteSquad."
I laughed. "Just like you."
Torchic and Kard laughed too. "Let's do it," Torchic said. "Team Smitesquad," Torchic told Wigglytuff.
"Okay!" he shouted, and turned around, picking up a piece of paper. "Registering! Registering! All registered!" he sang.
Flux looked seriously disturbed.
"Now, we don't have one in your size, so here's a couple of medium-sized exploration kits!" He handed us two yellow boxes. Danny popped one open and emptied it. "Exploration team badges... Wonder Map... Treasure Bag." Each of us picked up a badge as Danny emptied the Treasure Bag. "And equipment for all of us," he said as various scarves and bows spilled out. Ribbon-type bows, not arrow bows.
Flux pulled us aside again as Wigglytuff explained all of our new stuff. "Danny. You mustn't tell anyone what's going to happen later on."
"Why? Is this one of those--"
"If you reveal the future to these people, you may end up changing the plot, ultimately causing the world's utter imbalance, or possibly destroy the time-space continuum."
"Ooh," was all he had to say. He picked up a bow and tied it ninja-headband-thingy-style around his head.
Dinner that night was some assortment of berries and other fruit. I couldn't believe how hungry I was, and shoved it into my face, scarcely bothering to chew. Eating was never so tiring, and I would drop straight to sleep that night. Senior apprentices pushed some piles of straw into the crew rooms to serve as our beds, and we dropped right off. I was unlucky enough to get a room with Flux, but I managed to get to sleep before she started talking about quantum... whatever. I hoped the other apprentices were so lucky.
The trip was pretty uneventful. While Danny and the others tried to figure out how to get the vines out of his bulb thingy, I went ahead and knocked out any other Pokémon I found. It was kind of fun. You know, doing it firsthand and everything. Yeah. Um. So we moved on for a while, going deeper and deeper into the cave. And, um, I guess my travel scenes always seem that awkward.
Danny got a little mad at me for "taking all the kills," as we say, once he figured out his vine predicament. "If I beat you to 'em," I argued, "It's fair."
He said nothing. I bet he was vowing silently to beat me to some.
That, or he saw the boss before I did.
Bosses.
Koffing turned around. "Well, if it isn't the little chicken."
Tears sprang to Torchic's eyes, and she took a step back. I guess I'm a little insensitive. I started chuckling. "That's a funny way of putting it," I said. "Torchic a chicken. You know?"
Slaps came from all directions. "This is why you've never been on a date," Danny muttered in my ear.
I probably didn't have a right to, but I glared at them.
Torchic gathered up her courage. "G-give... give back what you stole from me! The Relic Fragment means everything to me!"
Koffing turned to Zubat. "So this thing really is worth something."
"Heh-heh. Maybe we can make some good money off of it."
Koffing turned back to us, a smirk on his face. "If you really want it," he said, "come and get it!"
I instinctively struck a pose again, screaming "BOSS FIIIIGHT!!"
Danny gave me some sage advice. "Shut up."
We sprung into action. Danny did a pretty lame Vine Whip on Koffing, knocking him in my direction. I jumped up, pumped some electricity through my body, and smashed him into the ground with my tail. Zubat was being a little difficult, staying just out of Kard's reach and using Leech Life or something on him. I sent a Shock Wave in his direction, and Kard finally managed to tackle him. Before I could be the awesome action hero anymore, though, he and Torchic beat the remaining snot out of him.
"That should do it," I said, dusting off my paws.
Danny was pretty mad at me again. "So it takes me, like, twenty minutes just to find my vine, and you do whatever you want without trying? And I'm the Pokémon expert and everything!"
I chuckled. "Well, we all knew I'm infinitely more awesome than you."
"Hmph," he said, and didn't say anything else.
"Got it," Torchic said, picking up a stone with one foot. "Boy, am I relieved." She stored it somewhere on her person somehow.
"Shall we go, then?" I said. "Explain stories?"
"Right, let's go," Torchic said.
To avoid another travel scene, we arrived at the beach. Before Flux said anything, Torchic did. "Thanks so much, you guys. I don't know what I'd do without you. Oh, and Patsy," she added, turning to me, "you're a jerk."
"What?"
"So..." Torchic looked all around, shifting her weight from foot to foot. "I was wondering, I--it's always been my dream to... to.... That was exciting, wasn't it?"
Kard took charge. "Yeah...? What are you getting at?"
"I... I... look, I..."
"You want to form an exploration team?" Danny said suddenly.
"Yes," Torchic said timidly.
"I... well... I guess I have nowhere to go..." Kard said.
I was ready to listen in some more, but Flux pulled me and Danny aside. "You are not going to get mixed up in this," she said.
"What else can we do?" Danny said. "I mean, she can offer a place to sleep and everything. It's a start."
"We're talking about a long-term commitment here. We do not have time. We need to--"
"Honestly," I interrupted, "If it's so urgent we get back, why don't you Massive Reality Edit us there?"
"Did I not explain, Patsy?" Flux said. "That would mean combining this world with our own again. It's already doubtless unstable from the last time; if we try it again, it could destroy the entire universe."
"Well, it's that or Palkia," Danny said.
"Or what?"
"Palkia. The master of space. If anyone can get us back, he can."
Flux gave up. "All right, fine. How do we find this Palkia?"
Danny thought for a moment. "I think he kidnaps us in several months."
I felt something nudging me. It turned out to be Torchic. "So, um, guys?" she said. "A-are you interested?"
"Say yes. This is gonna be awesome," Danny whispered.
"Let's do this," I said. Danny saluted.
Flux threw her hands in the air. "Fine! Whatever you want." I almost felt a little remorse when I saw she was holding back tears. But, you know, she was learning a good lesson. I guess.
Torchic grinned. "All right, let's get started! To Wigglytuff's Guild!" She started leading the way.
"So," I said under my breath, sneaking over to Danny, "Did you hear what they were saying over there?"
"No, but Kard was probably saying how he used to be a human and lost his memory for some reason, and Torchic was getting all dreamy about exploring, and explaining about her Relic Fragment, the rock with the weird design. She doesn't know what it does, but it--"
"Wait, you didn't hear, and yet you know all that? What--?" I asked, but events kept me from getting an answer. We arrived in front of a strangely Wigglytuff-shaped building with some kind of grate in front.
"Here we are," Torchic said. She had a look on her face, a look that said if she had a lip, she would be biting it. "Okay, I've got to be brave," she said. "I've got all my friends with me this time." She stepped hesitantly onto the grate.
"Pokémon detected!" shouted a high-pitched voice.
"Whose footprint?" said a much louder one.
"Er... Torchic's! The footprint is Torchic's!"
Over the noise, I could hear Torchic whimpering. It was kind of odd. I mean, it didn't seem scary or anything... not to me...
"I can tell there's more of you," the louder voice yelled, "So stand on the GRATE!"
One by one, we each went through the process. It took far too long. When Flux was finished, we were finally allowed in. "That was dumb," Patsy muttered.
"Hush. It might be important later on. I forget," Danny said.
"Which reminds me. How do--"
We had climbed down a ladder to the first underground floor, where a bird with a music-note-shaped head was hopping up to us. Noting my confusion, Danny informed me, "Chatot."
"Go away," he was saying in a tired tone, "We don't have any time for salespeople or silly surveys."
The previous grate incident must have had her adrenaline going, because Torchic was really talkative. "No! That's not why we're here! We want to become an exploration team!"
Chatot squawked in surprise. He turned around to talk to himself. "Now tell me?" I started to say, but to no avail. Before Danny could answer, we were rushed down another floor.
Danny was finally ready to explain. "Flux, I guess I oughta tell you too. Watch this. Torchic's gonna say something about how we just went underground and we can see out the window."
"We can?" I said, looking at the window I suddenly found. "That's weird."
"Whoa!" said Torchic, dashing up to the window. "We're underground, but you can still see outside!"
"And now Chatot says, 'Oh, hush now! The guild is built into the side of a cliff! It's only natural you'd be able to see outside!'"
He did.
Flux stared in wonderment. "Are you... perhaps... not human, then?"
"Well, not anymore," Danny laughed. "I don't have super powers, if that's what you mean. I've just... I guess we've fallen into a game that I've played two or three times."
Flux drew in a breath. It looked like she was trying to sort things out so she could explain something, but once again we were interrupted. We were pushed into the Guildmaster's room.
"Guildmaster! Guildmaster?" Chatot said to a Wigglytuff facing away from us. Wigglytuff didn't respond, until suddenly, without warning, he whirled around. "Hiya!"
Kard jumped.
"You want to form an exploration team? Well, good for you! Let's get you signed up! What's your--"
"If I may interrupt," Chatot said. "Guildmaster, a team of more than four cannot enter a Mystery Dungeon. This team is too large."
Wigglytuff's parade was severely rained upon. In fact, it looked like a hurricane hit.
"I've got a solution," Danny volunteered. "We make two divisions. We can't all five go in at once, but I bet if we split into smaller groups before entering, we could meet up inside or--no, wait, that wouldn't work. But we can form two divisions."
Chatot opened his beak to argue, but my suggestion was entirely logical. He shut it.
Everyone in the parade had an umbrella. "Let's get you signed up! What's your team name?"
"A name?" Torchic said. "Er, we don't really--give us a second." She turned to face the rest of us. "Any ideas?"
Danny's vine, which he seemed to be using as a hand for these things, shot up. "I vote SmiteSquad."
I laughed. "Just like you."
Torchic and Kard laughed too. "Let's do it," Torchic said. "Team Smitesquad," Torchic told Wigglytuff.
"Okay!" he shouted, and turned around, picking up a piece of paper. "Registering! Registering! All registered!" he sang.
Flux looked seriously disturbed.
"Now, we don't have one in your size, so here's a couple of medium-sized exploration kits!" He handed us two yellow boxes. Danny popped one open and emptied it. "Exploration team badges... Wonder Map... Treasure Bag." Each of us picked up a badge as Danny emptied the Treasure Bag. "And equipment for all of us," he said as various scarves and bows spilled out. Ribbon-type bows, not arrow bows.
Flux pulled us aside again as Wigglytuff explained all of our new stuff. "Danny. You mustn't tell anyone what's going to happen later on."
"Why? Is this one of those--"
"If you reveal the future to these people, you may end up changing the plot, ultimately causing the world's utter imbalance, or possibly destroy the time-space continuum."
"Ooh," was all he had to say. He picked up a bow and tied it ninja-headband-thingy-style around his head.
Dinner that night was some assortment of berries and other fruit. I couldn't believe how hungry I was, and shoved it into my face, scarcely bothering to chew. Eating was never so tiring, and I would drop straight to sleep that night. Senior apprentices pushed some piles of straw into the crew rooms to serve as our beds, and we dropped right off. I was unlucky enough to get a room with Flux, but I managed to get to sleep before she started talking about quantum... whatever. I hoped the other apprentices were so lucky.
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